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“Just like everything else, Chase. One day at a time. Ask for what you need. Set boundaries when you need to. Be open to possibilities and new things. You never know what could happen. You might actually find your relationship grows stronger because you’ve been able to reconcile the past and forgive each other.”
“For all our strife, we love each other. We always had each other’s backs. I know they’re still trying to do that for me even if I have made it hard on them these last many months. I didn’t expect my dad to come to me the way he did, but I’m so glad we were finally able to talk openly and honestly with each other. I found out he had a heart attack while I was in rehab. I think about what it would have done to me if I’d lost him and we had still been at odds.”
“That didn’t happen. You have a chance to be a family again. That’s a regret you don’t have to carry with you.”
“No. But I’m still at odds with my brothers.”
“Now that you’re home and have a clear head, you can work on those relationships, too.”
“I will.” He’d keep trying to break through Hunt’s resentments and anger. He’d poke at Max until he opened up about how he really felt, because Max liked to keepthings to himself, but Chase needed to know where he stood with Max.
“Thanks for the talk, Doc.” Chase felt nothing had changed or been accomplished on the call, but he knew from experience that this would slowly turn into a sense that he’d been heard. Sometimes that was enough to ease the weight he carried and the anxiety. Other times, it felt like a colossal waste of time, but that was usually when he was fighting against really doing the work to get better.
“We’ll do it again in a couple days.”
Who knew what would happen between now and then?
“I look forward to hearing your progress.” Dr. Porter always tried to leave things on a positive note.
Chase hung up hoping he actually made progress over the next couple days, because he was tired of being tired and sliding back and clawing his way forward.
He checked the time and headed back to Eliza’s room, where he’d begun assembling her bed but never finished. He curbed his desire to sit on the couch, watch TV, and not think about anything anymore, because that only led to him not getting anything done and feeling like he’d wasted yet another day.
Plus keeping busy helped keep his mind in the present, where he wanted to be.
He surveyed the wreckage in the room. He needed to pick up all the packaging crap he’d left strewn all over the floor, break down the boxes, and prioritize what he still had left to do. He’d probably start on the dresser next, then the decals for the walls. Or maybe he should hang the valance and shade.
He tried not to get stuck in analyzing one choice overthe other and knelt next to the footboard for the bed. He found the screwdriver and got to work assembling the footboard and attaching it to the rest of the frame. It would have been nice to have some help, but he managed. Bending over and reaching for this or that made his back ache. He tried to ignore the pain and complete the task.
His little girl needed a bed and a room all her own.
He’d missed so many things in her life because he’d been away. He couldn’t make up for that, but he could show her how much he cared and wanted her with him now. This was a step in proving that to her.
He reminded himself she was only two. She wouldn’t remember him being gone. But maybe she’d remember this room and the time she shared with him here in this house he hoped to make their home.
He lost track of time working on the bed, safety bar, nightstand, and finally the dresser. He had it nearly finished. Just one more drawer to complete the hours of work he’d put into assembling everything.
When he went to put the drawer in the slider bar, his aching back seized up. The drawer fell to the floor, and so did he as agonizing pain shot up and down his spine and the muscles in his back clenched so tight he couldn’t breathe.
He pulled his knees up, hoping that would help release the tension, but it didn’t do a damn thing. He stretched his legs out straight. That amplified the pain, making everything infinitely worse. He planted his feet on the floor and pressed his back into the hardwood, trying to find any kind of relief. He wrapped his arms over his watering eyes and just tried to breathe through the pain.
He’d thought the surgeries to repair the damage the bullets caused would make everything better. Far from it. The muscles in his back took the worst damage and healed with the most scar tissue. Stretching helped, but he’d been remiss in doing that for quite some time now.
Every little movement hurt, but he needed to let Shelby know he couldn’t do dinner tonight.
“Fuck.” He hated to cancel. He wanted to see her. He wanted to kiss her again. He wanted them here with him.
It hurt like hell, but he managed to pull his phone out of his back pocket. He shot Shelby a text.
CHASE:Need to cancel dinner sorry ?
SHELBY:Why???
He hated to give her such a lame excuse. He should have paced himself, instead of rushing to have the room ready by the time they arrived tonight.
He should do the exercises the physical therapist showed him so this wouldn’t happen.
CHASE:Hurt my back
