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“Maybe he does.” I shrug indifferently. “For now.”
“What do you mean for now?”
“It’s only a matter of time before he gets bored and moves onto the next shiny object.”
“Is that what you think?”
“That’s what I know.”
“Maybe I’m a dick for bringing this up, but Blue, he offered to raise another man’s baby to be with you. Does that really sound like a man who’s not a hundred percent in? What more could he have done?”
“Nothing. It’s not him. It’s me. I just don’t think I’m cut out for love.”
“Everyone is cut out for love. Love is what makes this shitty ass life worth living. Do you really think you’ll be happy alone, forever? Never having a partner to lean on. Someone to celebrate your triumphs with and pick you up when you fall?”
“That’s what I have you for.”
“But that’s not the same and you know it. As much as I love you, you’re not enough for me. And I shouldn’t be enough for you. Don’t you want more?”
“I used to.”
“Let’s try this.” She holds up her finger as she takes a long drink from her glass. “Let’s erase all the bad shit that’s happened to you in the past.”
“It’s not that easy, Hannah. I can’t hit the delete button.”
“No, I know that. But let’s pretend. Can you do that?” She waits until I nod before continuing. “Let’s remove James and every other bad relationship you’ve had. As of this moment, they never existed. Now, I want you to think about Harris. Only Harris. Think about the way you feel when you see him. What’s the first word that comes to mind?”
“Happy,” I say the first thing that pops into my head.
“And when he kisses you?”
“Excited.”
This game is easier than I thought.
“And when he holds you?”
“Love.” The word leaves my mouth so effortlessly it almost feels like I said nothing at all.
“You love him.” It’s not a question.
I think on it for a long moment. I picture Harris. His gray eyes. His addictive smile. His incredible body. But then I go beyond the physical. I think about the way he treats me. How safe and cared for he makes me feel. How loved...
The truth is easier to ignore when it’s not staring you in the face. Maybe it’s the alcohol. Maybe it’s Hannah’s little exercise. Or maybe it’s me finally being honest with myself. Whatever the reason, I know my next words to be truer than anything else I’ve spoken all day.
“I love him,” I whisper, the words foreign on my lips. “I love him.”
“Halle-fucking-lujah.” She throws her hands up in the air.
“I love him,” I repeat, the revelation setting me free in a way I never expected.
“Yeah you do!” Hannah laughs.
“I’m in love with Harris Avery,” I announce loud enough that anyone within ear shot can hear me.
It’s like now that I’ve said it, I never want to stop. I want to scream it from the rooftops. I want the entire world to know.
“I need to go see Harris.” A sudden nervous, hollow feeling spreads through my stomach as I think about the things I said to him earlier.
