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Chapter Nineteen
The hour was late by the time Patricia returned to the house on St. James. Eleanor had entreated her to stay for luncheon. Her husband, Lord Reynolds, had returned to the house in the meantime and it seemed rude to not stay longer and talk with him, especially after all the sage advice her dear friend had given her.
The shadows were lengthening as she walked through the front entrance with her heart in her mouth. Soon the dinner gong would sound. She was fired up from her visit with Eleanor. She was going to tell Jackson everything. It was the only way, as Eleanor had stressed. He might be angry with her, but she could not live under this constant cloud.
And she must do it this very minute.
Taking a deep breath, she quickly marched towards Jackson’s study. The door was ajar. He was sitting behind his desk, a furrowed brow upon his face, reading some papers. But his frown vanished as he glanced up, hearing her approach. He stood up.
“There you are,” he said, a smile breaking out on his face. “You were rather longer than I expected. How is Lady Eleanor?”
Patricia took another deep breath. “She is very well, Jackson. She and her husband send their regards.” She smiled slowly. “I was able to spend some time with their dear children. They are truly cherubs. The most delightful children I have ever encountered.”
“How lovely,” he said, with a distracted air. “Patricia, there is a ball at Lord Withington’s this evening. I need to speak with him as soon as possible over an urgent business matter and it would be the perfect opportunity as he is going abroad with his family within the next week.” He paused. “I know it is very short notice, but are you able to get ready for it now? I was just about to head to my own chambers to change.”
Her face fell. The last thing she felt like doing was going to a ball. She wanted to spend the evening with him alone, talking through what she was about to tell him.
“I am sorry,” he said quickly, obviously seeing the disappointment upon her face. “But it is very important to me. Are you fatigued after your day out?”
Patricia bit her lip. “I am rather. I stayed longer than expected.” She hesitated, her heart racing. “And there is something that I need to discuss with you. It is important. I was hoping to do so now…”
He smiled. “I would much prefer spending the evening in with you, as well,” he said quietly, his eyes softening. “I promise that after this evening we shall spend most of our remaining evenings in London with each other. I do not particularly like socializing all the time…and I would much rather be withyou, Patricia.”
She blushed, feeling that strong spark of connection with him reignite. It was as if they were stoking a furnace. A furnace of desire.
He quickly walked towards her and put his hands on her shoulders, facing her. “I promise we can talk about what you want after we get back from the ball, if we are not too tired. Or at the very least, tomorrow morning. Will that do?”
Slowly, she nodded. What else could she do? She could see how distracted he was. She couldn’t just blurt this out before they had to head to a ball. Her heart sank. It wasn’t the time. Not yet.
“Of course,” she said, forcing a smile onto her face. “This is important to you and we can speak later…”
“Good,” he said, releasing her shoulders. “Let us dress for the evening. There shall be a light supper at the ball, so I think we can safely skip dinner.” He paused. “I shall see you in the foyer at six?”
She nodded again. “It is a date.”
He laughed, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “I cannot wait to see you dressed up for this ball, Patricia. I am sure you shall be the belle of the season.” His eyes were burning. “I shall be the envy of every gentleman there, when I walk in with my beautiful new wife. I am the luckiest man to walk the world indeed.”
She smiled tremulously, as her heart lurched.
He took her hand, leading her out of the study, towards their chambers. She felt her hand trembling within his own. Her mind was racing. All she wanted to do was blurt it out and be rid of this burden. But she must remain hopeful that it would be very soon. All she needed to do was get through this evening and it would happen. Shemustbelieve that.
* * *
The sky had darkened to a light indigo by the time they stepped onto the street in front of the grand Withington townhouse. Gas lanterns were flickering like fireflies along the street. There were already many carriages drawn up along the street. Thetonhad descended, dressed in their finest, laughing as they slowly walked through the large front entrance.
Patricia took a deep breath. It had been a rush to get dressed in time, but she had managed it. She took Jackson’s arm as they walked up the steps and into the house.
“Youarethe most beautiful lady here,” he whispered into her ear, as they reached the foyer. “I swear I will not be able to take my eyes off you at all.”
She turned pink with pleasure, as she gazed up at him. “And you are the most dashing gentleman here, Jackson. I will not be able to concentrate on anything else either.”
He laughed, but she could tell he was moved by her words. “I thought that I would never hear a woman say that to me,” he whispered slowly. “Not many can look past my scarred face. I have not felt truly handsome and desired in a very long time, Patricia.”
She swallowed a lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. “You are the handsomest man I have ever met,” she declared fiercely. “The scar cannot change that. You know what you do to me.”
The air thickened between them, swirling around them as if they were in their own private bubble. Patricia gasped. She still could not fathom the sudden intensity of feeling between them. How could she feel so close to him, after only days of marriage? If it was this good now, how much better could it get?
If he forgives you for what you have done.
