AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He rode ahead of her again. This time she was immune to the beauty of Hyde Park or anyone around them. This time, all she could see was him.
He was a good rider, with a firm, strong hand. His horse appeared like an extension of him.His back,she thought in wonder,is so straight and true. Just like him.She simply drank in the sight of him for the longest time.
But then the ever-pervading guilt rose up, threatening to choke her. This had been her opportunity to tell him everything and she had been a coward. She hadn’t wanted anything to change between them, for she was so desperate to keep his good opinion of her. But she knew she was lying by omission. And that it would only get worse, the longer that she left it.
While they rode back to the house and lead the horses to the stables, the guilt was gnawing at her like a mouse on a wheel of cheese. The guilt was so overpowering she could barely look at him. After they dismounted, she mumbled some words about feeling a little ill and fled back into the house as if the very hounds of hell were on her tail. She could almost feel his astonished gaze boring into her back.
She quickly ran up the stairs to her chambers and locked the door behind her before flinging herself onto the bed. In an agony of pure frustration, she pummelled a pillow with tight fists.
She burst into tears again.
It took a full five minutes before she was recovered enough to sit up, gazing around the room disconsolately. She was in such distress she could hardly think straight.
Suddenly, she saw a letter, propped up on her dressing table and sealed with red wax. Sally must have left it there. Slowly, she got up and broke it open with trembling hands. It was from Eleanor, telling her that she would love to receive a visit from her, and that they could discuss Patricia’s problem openly. Eleanor closed the letter by saying that she would be home for the entire day tomorrow.
Patricia sagged against a chair. The letter fluttered to the floor.
Dear Eleanor. She had always known that her friend would be there for her, through thick and thin. So many of thetonwere superficial and the friendships developed within good society shallow. But it had never been like that between Eleanor and herself. Eleanor was the truest friend she had ever had.
Patricia took a deep, ragged breath, resolving that she would visit her friend first thing tomorrow.
She sank down into the chair, gazing at nothing. She had tried to tell Jackson today, but it had not worked. She trulydidneed to speak of it with Eleanor. Her friend would advise her what was the best way to approach the subject with Jackson. It would be a relief to talk about it with someone who was sympathetic to how much it pained her as well. Someone who had been through a similar thing and lived to tell the tale.
She had heard that confession eased the soul. She did not think that Eleanor would judge her for it. She took another deep breath. Yes, it was the best course of action all round.
She looked up, staring fearfully at the locked door. What would she do, if Jackson knocked upon it? How could she face him with this terrible guilt after what the intimacy they had just shared?
