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Sudden panic overtook her. Shemusttell him everything. There was not a moment to lose.
But it was as if the words were caught in her throat and she simply could not dislodge them. How could she tell him, when she had only just realized that she was falling in love with him? How could she bear to see his face change, for him to close down and stare at her with suspicion and mistrust, after this?
He was opening up to her and talking about things that were painful for him. The closeness that had been slowly developing between them was intensifying. How could she arrest it now?
Without thinking, she raised a hand to his face, caressing the scar on his right cheek. His eyes darkened, but he let her do it.
“How did it happen?” she whispered.
He didn’t say anything for a moment. She let her hand drop, unsure if she should have pushed him to talk about this. But then he took a deep breath, gazing at her steadily.
She watched a vein suddenly pulsate in his left temple. “It happened during my time at war in Spain,” he replied slowly. “A miscalculation. I was attempting to protect a fellow soldier from harm and one of our enemies did not like it.” He hesitated. “The bayonet sliced my face. I did not even know it had happened. It was like a blinding strike of lightning and I was felled, bathed in blood.”
Patricia paled. “Oh, dear Lord. The things you have endured. It is so abhorrent that I do not even have words…”
He smiled ruefully. “It was the worst thing that happened to me at war, Patricia, but it could have been so much worse. I saw many men suffer a lot more, screaming in mud, mortally wounded or their limbs severed. I am always mindful that I was lucky. Many men never returned from battle.”
Her heart was beating fast. It felt like a small bird fluttering in distress. She was listening to the true horrors of war for the very first time. Her dear uncle, who had also been to war, never spoke of it. She didn’t think that many men did. It was part of the creed, that a man must endure it stoically and leave it behind forever once his time on the battlefield was done.
Except that it couldnotbe left behind. Even after the injuries healed, the time was over, the emotional pain would still linger. How could it not, after enduring such horror?
“You are so brave,” she whispered, a single tear falling down her cheek. “You have courage beyond what I can imagine…”
His eyes flickered. “It is not about courage, Patricia. It is about survival. One has no choice, if one wishes to live. It is that simple.” He hesitated. “The scar on my face is a constant reminder of the fragility of life. For many years, I despised it, of course. It was not only a reminder, but it affected my life after the war was done. It made me believe that I was undesirable - that no worthy lady would ever look upon me fondly again. I thought that I was destined to never marry because of it.”
Her face twisted. “That is not true,” she said, her voice fervent. “The scar cannot change the person you are inside. The good and honorable man that you are.” Her voice fell to a whisper. “I barely see it any longer, Jackson. It is simply a part of you, and I would not change it. It does not make me desire you less. It makes me desire you more because I know that you have suffered, and it has not made you bitter.”
He gazed at her in astonishment. She saw that he was trembling with emotion at her words, so very moved that he could hardly contain it.
And she had meant every single one.
He reached out, taking her hand, staring at her ardently. “You are truly the most wondrous woman I have ever met, Patricia,” he said slowly. “You have changed everything for me. For now, when I look in the mirror and see the scar, it shall remind me that even after the hell of war there is light in this world. It shall remind me that there is still paradise to be found in life if you are patient and bide your time. It shall remind me that I foundyou.”
She couldn’t help it. The tears she had been so desperately trying to keep at bay spilled over, running down her face.
He sighed tremulously. And then, he took her face in both his hands and gazed upon her. Gently, he kissed the tears away. Her breath caught in her throat. She could not remember a time when she had felt so utterly cherished.
His lips moved to her own. Slowly he kissed her. Openly, in full view of all the ladies and gentlemen who were promenading down the path near the river.
She was conscious of where they were; that it was so very public. But suddenly, she did not care at all. He was her husband, and no one could object to the fact he was kissing her. It might be unseemly – even married couples did not openly embrace in public in this manner – but it was not scandalous.
And so Patricia kissed him back.
He groaned, deep in his throat, as the kiss deepened. She shuddered as desire stirred within her as tightly coiled as a snake. His lips were like a revelation – as if she had only just encountered them. Would it feel like this forever with him? As if they were discovering each other anew, every single time they embraced?
Her heart flipped over in her chest. He had claimed that he was lucky to have found her, but she knew the truth. She could have ended up with a gentleman who treated her indifferently or even poorly. A gentleman like Lord Cardigan, who she believed could never truly care for anyone but himself. Instead, she had foundhim. And it was as if the world had abruptly split open in the most wondrous of ways.
He pulled away from her gently. She had closed her eyes, with the heat of the kiss, but now she opened them. She was dazed and disoriented. He smiled down at her tenderly, kissing the top of her nose. It felt like the slight brush of a butterfly wing against her skin.
“We should go,” he whispered, his eyes filled with light. “Before we have all of thetongossiping about our indecorous display of affection.”
“Let them eat cake,” she whispered back.
He burst into laughter. “Let them, indeed. For I find more and more that I do not care a whit for any of them. As long asyouare by my side, Patricia.”
Their eyes locked. It was a very long moment before she could tear her gaze away from his.
They stood up and returned to the horses. Patricia felt as if she were infused with golden light. Even the ground felt different beneath her feet. Without a word, they mounted and continued riding, taking the path that would lead them towards the house.
