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Chapter Sixteen
Patricia felt the cool breeze on her face, making the curls that were escaping her riding hat brush softly against her cheeks. It was indeed a glorious morning for a ride. Happy, she gazed around. Hyde Park was filled with ladies and gentlemen promenading. They glanced up at Patricia and her husband as they rode past, the gentlemen doffing their hats and the ladies smiling warmly.
She sighed, adjusting herself in the saddle. The Serpentine River was shining like a skein of greenish blue silk in the sunlight. There were small boats coursing through the water. High in the sky, she saw a bright red kite flying, its long train swishing through the air like a dragon’s tail. It was such a beautiful and tranquil scene that she almost forgot the pressing matter on her mind.
Jackson was just ahead of her atop his favorite horse Cassius. When they had met at the stables in the mews, he had introduced her to the horse. Cassius was indeed a splendid beast, and her husband was obviously proud of him. Jackson had taken her hand within his own as she held an apple out to feed the horse, standing close behind her the whole while. She almost hadn’t been able to breathe.
Once she had selected a horse of her own, Jackson had taken the lead and they had been away. They had been riding for well over twenty minutes now. She watched as he carefully drew up Cassius and dismounted. Then he assisted her to do the same. They tethered the horses to a large tree and wandered off, taking a seat by the river and gazing at the boats.
“I never tire of this view,” he said slowly, taking a deep breath. “Even though it is always busy, the park is peaceful. A true oasis in the centre of London.”
Patricia smiled. “I feel the same way. While I do love the city and all it has to offer, sometimes I simply crave being in nature again.” She paused, glancing at him sideways. “Have you always preferred the country?”
He nodded. “Ever since I was a boy. I was often left alone at Thornbury Manor with just my nanny, governess, and the servants.” His face twisted. “My father preferred London and did not come to Norfolk very often. Sometimes I saw him only twice a year.”
Her heart lurched with sympathy. “That must have been very hard for you,” she said slowly. “I come from a close-knit family and we have rarely been apart.”
He smiled wistfully. “I always wished to be part of a large family and to have siblings; brothers and sisters to play with. It was a rather lonely life, being an only child on such a large estate. Even if my father had been in residence more often, it would still have been lonely.”
She hesitated for a moment, gazing at him. He was speaking to her so honestly and openly. Would now be a good opportunity to ask him about funds for Margaret’s dowry and paying off her father’s debts?
Her heart lurched again. No, she did not wish to change what was between them. Not quite yet. All she wanted was for him to keep talking, to tell her more about his life and his past. She fervently desired to know everything about him.
“You were never close to your father, then?” she asked gently.
His face twisted anew. “I am afraid not. I saw him so rarely that there was never a chance for us to develop a relationship.” He paused, frowning. “I always felt it was somehow my fault. That if I was more entertaining, or livelier, orsomething…that perhaps he would spend more time with me. It is how a child thinks when they do not understand the reasons adults act the way they do.”
“Did he ever talk to you honestly about his reticence in your relationship?” Her voice was a whisper.
He sighed heavily, still gazing out over the river. “We never spoke of it. But after he passed away, I found a letter where he explained why he had never attempted closeness between us.” He turned his face towards her slowly. “He claimed within it that I reminded him too much of my late mother and it caused him too much pain to be within my company for long. He apologized for it, regretting it. But of course, by then it was too late to change anything.”
Patricia felt tears well in her eyes. Life indeed could be cruel. To think that a man could reject his only child just because that child was physically similar to someone they had loved and lost was anathema to her. A child was their own person entirely.
“Your father must have loved your mother very much,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady. “He must have been devastated by her loss, for it to affect his relationship with you so much.”
He nodded. “I only realize how much now,” he said slowly. “Because of that letter…and the wedding ring, which you wear upon your finger.”
She gazed at him, puzzled. “My ring?”
He nodded again. “Yes. I have not had a chance to tell you, but it was my mother’s. I found it amongst my late father’s possessions. He must have taken it off her hand after she passed away.” His color deepened. “Take it off your finger and read the engraving inside.”
Hesitantly, she pulled the ring off her finger and gazed closely at it. Inside, it was indeed engraved. She had not noticed when he had slipped it onto her finger on their wedding day. But then, why would she? It had all happened so quickly.
Three things will last forever – faith, hope and love – and the greatest of these is love.
She struggled to hold back the tears as she read the words. She recognized that it was a quote from the Bible, but she could not quite place it.
“It is from Corinthians,” said Jackson, watching her face carefully. “A message from him to her, that he would always treasure her.” He looked away, suddenly embarrassed. “It seemed apt to give it to you. Because I truly wish to treasure you in the same way, Patricia. I am very mindful of what a fortunate man I am to have won such a prize as you.”
She blushed pink. Her heart turned over in her chest. And with it a surge of guilt again, that she had so calculatingly secured this marriage.
She took a deep breath. “I think that I am the fortunate one, Jackson. Truly.”
He looked so delighted by her words that another surge of guilt shot through her. Now was the moment that she should tell him everything. Tell him that through no fault of her own, she had been forced to seek an advantageous marriage, and that she still needed assistance on behalf of her family. The reality of that didn’t change the fact that she liked him enormously and ardently wished they could be happy together – to be fully man and wife.
Patricia felt as if a seismic shift was rushing through her. She didn’t just like him enormously. She desired him, but it was even more than that.
She truly thought she was falling in love with him.
