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June felt every single lyric in her heart, in her soul, to the tips of her fingers as she mumbled them along with the students. Her eyes prickled again and she willed herself not to cry, channeling the same things she had done during her prep period on extra rough days. She looked everywhere - the aspens, the lake, the mountains, the cabins, the trails, the firepits, the dining hall - until she had no other options and she finally looked up at Colin.
He was looking right at her with a wistful smile on his face, his hair being pulled out of his messy bun by the wind, just as June’s curls were being tossed by the same breeze. She met Colin’s eyes across 150 students and felt the love between them, wanted to run across the field and let him know. What she did, however, was give a lopsided grin and a wave that she tried to signal goodbye with. Tried, with a tiny movement of her hand, to communicate everything that they had shared together this week and what his presence had meant to her. Could continue to mean. He waved back and a wave of emotion crashed over his face and June knew her own face matched. With one final nod, Colin hopped down from the stump and started to make sure that kids were with their correct luggage. June tried to do the same, wiping her eyes and hoping that everyone - and by everyone, she meant Kevin - didn’t notice how the song had affected her.
“Hey,” Kevin said quietly, coming up behind her. “You’re good. Just hop on to the bus and I’ll take attendance and get everyone settled.”
“I don’t deserve you,” she said. “Thank you so much.”
Finding her standard seat, she shoved her earbuds in her ears, not bothering to try to read or listen to a podcast. Scrolling through Spotify, she found the Phoebe Bridgers radio station and turned the music up, allowing herself to wallow in her newfound melancholy for the ride home.
They got to school relatively quickly, the mopey music helping June to enjoy the scenery around her. Kids unloaded, met up with their families, and at last it was just Kevin and June ensuring that everyone had been picked up.
“Grab a beer?” Kevin said. June shook her head.
“I’m just gonna head home, I think,” she said, any strong emotion out of her voice. “Thanks again, for everything.” Kevin insisted on driving her home, dropped her off at her apartment with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to call him tomorrow. She unlocked the door, dropped her bag on the couch, and immediately went to the fridge for a beer. She cracked the can, took a sip, tried not to think about the beers that she and Colin had shared, how the taste of hops and malts lingered on his tongue as they kissed. She flicked on the television, scrolled through Netflix until she found a crime drama she had seen a thousand times, curled up on the couch. Beer in hand, she burrowed under a blanket. She’d have tonight to be broken hearted, then she’d be back to normal tomorrow morning.
