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Breakfast proceeded much in the same manner as dinner the previous night, though students were a bit less chatty as they wiped sleep from their eyes and argued about who had slept less. Previous years had found June circulating through the different tables, asking students about their first nights in their cabin, whether they took the top or bottom bunk and why. This year, June hung back after eating her breakfast of cheesy, fluffy eggs and sausage, sipping her coffee and watching the students. That desire to mingle, to chat, to spend spare moments with students had disappeared sometime in the last three years, replaced by a need to spend more time by herself and her own thoughts.
June nearly skipped back to the teacher’s cabin to grab her cell phone, distracted by recalling the evening’s events and this morning’s continuations. Distracted by Colin’s kisses and the way his body felt beneath her hands and distracted by the fact that they would be continuing this connection between them. June opened the cabin door and walked into the room to pick up her phone and, without thinking, automatically opened her email and pulled down on the top of the screen to refresh.
Her school email had few new messages, mostly parents who wanted to make sure their kid was still alive or having fun at camp. June made a mental note to reply to those later, thinking that parents as well as children needed to learn to separate slightly. Again, moving in automaticity, June’s thumb slid and clicked over to her personal email and waited for new emails. In between the various coupons for candles, leggings, and vibrators, June saw an email that had been flagged as sent directly to her. From a job that she had applied to a month or so ago. Nervous excitement ticked through her veins as she clicked on the email. Finally, an interview! Things were looking up! She had kissed a nice man and now she was interviewing to get out of teaching.
Dear Ms. Lehrer;
Thank you for your application for the position of Office Manager. We have reviewed your resume and have found that your background does not match the skills we are looking for and will not be moving forward with your application. We wish you all the best in your job search.
Sincerely,
BLP Architects
June sat on the couch, dazed. She had begun to apply to office manager positions as a backup, something that she was sure she would have gotten an interview for. Coordinating teaching and scheduling meetings with parents, emailing and designing curriculum and managing grades for 100+ students would have given her the organizational skills to manage a small office, right?
Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she tried to reframe her thoughts, an exercise recommended by her therapist and she’d utilized a lot this year.
At least they sent you a rejection email.
There are a lot of specialized skills for that position you don’t have.
Remember, you have lots of other applications out.
June took a shaky breath, then her thoughts shifted direction.
It’s because you’re not good at anything but being a teacher.
You got a stupid degree and pursued a terrible career with it.
Teaching is the only thing you’re qualified for.
You’re going to be stuck being a teacher for the rest of your working life.
“Fuck,” she said aloud to the empty cabin. With another curse, she tossed her phone onto her bed, grabbed her water bottle and her book, and decided to go outside. With no direction in mind, she wandered the camp. Students had scattered to their morning activities and had begun to snake up the mountain in various groups, some singing camp songs, some with scientific journals clutched in their hands. Usually, June would tag along with a few classes for the physical exercise and a chance to hang out with either her favorite students or ones she needed that extra connection with. Not today.
Turning away from the paths that led up the mountain, June found herself headed toward the lake. It was a gorgeous day, which seemed a way for mother nature to be underlining her frustration and giving her a giant, blue sky middle finger. She looked out over the lake and took in her surroundings - a few large pine trees dotted the main field, but the overwhelming background were the white barks of the aspen trees and the tiny buds of green signifying the beginning of spring. The occasional breeze drifted through the camp, down from the mountains, bringing just a hint of chill to the quickly warming day. June kept walking, finding herself on the T dock that jutted out into the lake.
June slipped off her hiking shoes and socks and dangled her feet over the edge of the dock, toes just skimming the surface of the cool water. If she looked over, she could catch her own reflection - a frown, a crooked nose, a halo of red hair. With a groan, she fell to her back and looked up at the sky and watched the occasional cloud go by.
June stayed there all morning, switching between getting lost in the worlds of various Londons the fantasy novel she was reading took place in, and lying on back, contemplating things. She had intended this morning to be more work time - a cover letter or job searching or looking at her resume for the thousandth time - but all June could manage to do was stay on the dock. June wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but her water bottle was empty and her stomach had started to grumble, but she didn’t have the energy to get up and change either of those situations.
What are you doing here, she thought irritably. Did she mean with her career, with Colin, or with something else? A deeper dive into that question was prevented by the interruption of footsteps shuffling onto the deck behind her. June looked up from where she had been watching her toes skim the water and turned her head over her shoulder to find Colin walking onto the deck with a brown bag in his left hand. “Hungry?” June gaped in response, unable to respond.
“Kevin guessed you’d be here,” Colin replied. He waited a moment, then asked, “Do you mind if I join you?” June nodded in reply and Colin sat down next to her, but didn’t say anything. For a few moments, all June could hear was the rustle of the wind through the aspens, the tiny waves of the lake lapping onto shore with the breeze. Their legs dangled from the dock, kicking back and forth - June’s bare feet next to Colin’s in his sandals, his socks discarded as the day had warmed up. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, but June enjoyed his presence there, the slight heat of his body as their arms occasionally brushed up against each other.
“So I’m applying for jobs,” June began, breaking the silence. “And, y’know, you read all these articles about how all these places are hiring and people are leaving their jobs and it’s, like, an employees market or whatever bullshit the news sites put out. But then you have to get out there, and put yourself out there, and try to convince people to give you a second look based on what? A two page resume and a cover letter? I’m so much more than that - I can’t fit my personality into those parameters!” June ran a hand through her curls, tossed her hair in one direction and then another. She probably had frizzed her hair so much she was bordering on Krusty the Clown territory, but she was past caring.
“I’m not stupid, and I swear I’m qualified,” June continued, “But I just can’t seem to make anyone see that. I got a rejection this morning from a job that I thought I would at least get an interview for, but I didn’t even get that.” June kicked at the water, splashing Colin’s feet in the process. “Sorry, and now I’m in this emo funk and can’t do much of anything.”
Colin’s pinky finger closest to June’s hand moved slightly and hooked around her own smallest finger, just the lightest physical connection as a source of comfort. June looked up from the water and up at Colin’s face, which held an expression that communicated sympathy and comfort. June was expecting pity, but searched his face and didn’t find any, which was a refreshing change from how other teachers treated her job search.
“June, it sucks right now,” he said carefully. “Not just your job search, but the world in general. And who knows if it’s going to get better?”
“Is this you trying to help?” June said warily.
“Just stay with me,” he laughed grimly. “Though, I acknowledge this is not the typical progression of comfort you were probably expecting.” Colin tightened his grip on June’s pinky and a soft wave of ease spread up her arm and settled in her chest. “Things are shitty right now and we don’t know where they’re going. But we have to keep trying. Take this place,” Colin indicated the camp with his chin. Kids had begun to pour out of the dining hall from lunch into their recess time. June realized, with a start, she had missed the entire morning session and lunch, which explained the growling in her stomach. “Take this place,” Colin repeated. “There are a lot of internet commentators who would have you believe we are fighting a losing battle out here in the trees, trying to get kids to disconnect from their devices and connect with each other and nature. They might be right - our numbers are dropping every year and money is getting harder and harder to come by.”
“You’re really shit at this ‘comforting story thing,” June said, sarcastically, a wry laugh following.
