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I turn my head to look at her and a smile comes to my face. “Get the fuck over here.”
She walks over with a smile as well, pulling the visitor’s chair next to the couch. “You look like shit,” she says while opening up the kit.
“I know. I’m going to need you to take the bullet out for me and stitch it up.” I look up at her.
Her eyes widen. “I don’t even know how to do that,” she says.
“Haven’t you seen enough movies? I mean, there’s gotta be tongs in there or something, it’s a first aid kit for us, there’s gotta be shit for bullet wounds.” I crook my neck to look.
“Alright, alright.” She waves at me to lie back down. She pulls something out that looks like a strange pair of scissors. “This?” she asks me.
“Looks about right,” I respond.
“I don’t know, Julissa. Shouldn’t this shit be sterile? This isn’t the movies. Damn it, why did Selena have to go and fuck up? She’s the only medical personnel we have.” She starts breathing heavily.
“Look, I can’t go to the hospital and I don’t want that shit traveling through my bloodstream so it’s got to come out. I need your help. Look if there’s any alcohol in there, use it to sanitize the wound and the tongs then cross our fucking fingers and hope for the best,” I say.
“Shit. Don’t you want anything to help with the pain?” she asks and I can tell she’s stalling. She’s nervous, I get it but I’d like to get this over and done with. I left the pimps with the other recruits to come back here and confront Selena. I don’t feel comfortable being here and having them there but it’s hard as fuck to move my arm right now and I don’t want them to see that I’m wounded. I don’t want to give off the impression that I’m weak in any way. I just want to get this fucking thing out of my arm, stitch it up and stop the bleeding.
I lift the bag of meth pills up. “I’ve got something right here,” I tell her, waving it briefly so that she can only get a glimpse of it. At first glance it looks like any regular old painkiller.
She takes a deep breath and she doesn’t move to do anything. I close my eyes and hiss under my breath as I start to sit up. “It’s okay, I’ll do it.” I stretch my hand out for her to hand me the first aid kit.
“No, it’s okay. I was just trying to prepare myself,” she says before proceeding. It takes her a while after squishing around in the exposed flesh and slamming the tongs against my bone for her to be able to grip the bullet without having it slip from the wetness of the bloody extractor.
She shudders before spraying alcohol into the wound and I hiss, gritting my teeth, preparing for the pain that never comes. She looks at me in anticipation and then seeing that I haven’t winced, she tosses her head to the side. “That’s some pretty impressive painkillers,” she says as she threads the needle with surgical thread and starts to stitch it up. “I’m not that great at sewing. Was never really the homemaker type so I’m just trying my best,” she states before finishing up and cutting the thread.
I move my shoulder around a bit and nod. “Thanks, kid.”
“Anytime, boomer.” She smiles.
“Boomer?!” I gasp as I stand up with her and we start walking out the door. “I’m not a fucking boomer yet. Aren’t those the old as fuck people? Kid, I’m old but not THAT old.”
She laughs and I smile as we ride the elevator together where she leaves to go back to the border and I head to my car, ignoring the ribs for now as I make my way back to my house to freshen up and out to the casinos to keep an eye on the pimpsqueaks.
Back at the casino, even though I’ve tried to disguise myself as best as possible in a black long sleeved mini dress and a short brown bob, Snow manages to pick me out of the crowd and pulls me aside. I don’t want to give him the time of day but I’m afraid he’ll expose me so when he asks me to step outside so that we can talk I oblige him.
I walk him into the darkness of an alley close to where I have parked my car. “What the fuck do you want?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.
“I couldn’t help myself when I saw you. You took my breath away,” he says.
I curl my upper lip in disgust. “The fuck is wrong with you? Are you drunk?” I ask him, not taking anything he has to say about my appearance as a compliment.
“I’m so sober, it’s not even funny. Look, I know this is probably a lot for you to handle and we haven’t really spoken since you stormed out of my cell. I know it was strange for us to bond the way that we did but tell me you don’t feel the connection between us the way that I do. And I know it’s crazy and it’s borderline sick for me to feel the way about you after all you’ve done to me and I understand that for you, your morals won’t allow you to explore what you feel for me but I know you feel something,” he says, moving closer to me.
I can’t believe I ever let this piece of shit touch me before. I might be high right now but I know one thing is for sure, this man makes me sick to my stomach. I bite my bottom lip, trying to not explode and it’s so dark, he can’t see my face anyway. I clench my fists with the need to throw him one solid punch but with the way I’m feeling right now, I don’t know if one or two punches would be enough and I don’t want to cause a fucking scene, even though I’m pretty sure people are too consumed with themselves to give a shit about what’s going on in a dark alleyway. But it’s in public and with the way things have been recently, I won’t risk it.
I think it’s time to remind him of what this is though because I can’t have him thinking he stands a chance with me. In his fucked up twisted mind, he’s managing to find some reality in which him and I could be a thing then to have the nerve to pull me aside and confess it to me? He’s way too confident for my liking. I need him to loathe himself and to loathe me. I need him to doubt his self-esteem and his worth. I need him to fucking feel the way I did when I was a fucking victim. That’s what I want, damn it! I don’t want him to feel like good times between us are possible! In what fucking universe?! But I’ve caused this. I got myself into this mess. Fed him and myself with twisted messages. I can admit that and I think we both need a reminder about our dynamic. I need to do so in private though. So I let him touch me and move in close to me. Speak into my face with his crusty ass teeth.
“Let’s go back to your cell,” I tell him, walking away so that he’ll follow me. I don’t look at him as I walk to my car afraid that I’ll give myself away if I do. On the car ride back to the facility, I don’t talk to him, even though he rests his fucking hand on my leg. The boldness of this shitfucker!
As soon as the doors to the facility close behind us, I throw a right hook at his face, following up with a left hook and uppercut. He’s stunned, I can tell as he staggers backward, his tongue caught in his teeth in the process causing blood to gather in his mouth. Shit, I don’t want blood to mess up his clothes. “Take it off.” I gesture toward him and he looks around at the other recruits not bothered in the least by what’s happening. “Strip, damn it!” I yell.
“I don’t understand,” he says as he starts to remove his clothes. I say nothing, only waiting for him to hand me the damn clothes which I ask one of the recruits to put aside for me as I ask two other recruits to take him by force to the punishment room. I remember Selena’s body is in there so as we approach the door, I tell them I’ll take it from here. I don’t want them to think that I’m just taking out recruits one by one.
Since I made the announcement about a change in the rules, the recruits have been on their best behavior as far as I’m concerned and I don’t want to mess that up by making them think that I’m just on a fucking killing spree gunning for the ones working for me. I don’t need them to start a riot right now. So I wait until those two recruits leave and I open the door to the punishment room, shoving his ass in front of me and closing the door behind me with a code. The lights come on filling the cold room with light that appears gray or pale blue among the color scheme of the room.
He sees Selena’s body on the floor and her dead boyfriend with his head hanging off to the side, his clothes soaked in blood. His eyes widen in horror. “What are you doing?” he asks me.
