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Shit and damn.
I couldn't go to the Motel with him tonight. Not after finding out Annabell was sleeping with the Council because they were trying to get her pregnant and not after finding out that was why they were all good with one woman being in a coven of several men and in a relationship with them all. They were secret baby making factories.
I couldn't do it.
I turned in my seat and frantically blurted out, "I don't ever want to have kids."
He glanced at me quickly before looking back to the dark road.
"I know," he said quietly. "I remember."
His voice was devoid of emotion and I couldn't tell if he was upset by this or not. I had to poke at it because I really had to know if this was something that was going to bother him and I needed to know if he wanted to have children of his own one day.
"Does that bother you?" I asked.
"No," he said swiftly and without hesitation.
His answer surprised me because he hadn't even needed to think about it which meant he'd had his mind made up before I'd even asked him.
"Really?" I asked, needing to push it because it was important and if we stuck with this relationship, stuck with each other, then I didn't want him to have something to resent me for later. Not that I was willing to change how I felt on it, but I thought maybe talking about it would mean he wouldn't later resent me.
"Really," he stated confidently. "It's your body and you have a right to decide what you want to do with it. And if that means you don't want to carry children then that's what it means. I know some of the others will want to have children and will try to change your mind but in the end they will let it be and they will give you what you want because at the end of the day it's your body that would have to actually get pregnant and they will respect you and your body. They might even be disappointed, but they will get over it eventually. Besides, there are lots of parentless children out there who need good homes. Whether they have magic or not won't mean dick to any of the guys and it sure as hell won't mean dick to me. Now, if-"
I cut him off. "What if when I say I don't want kids I mean in any way and not just because I don't want to actually, physically have a child... what then?"
"Is that how you feel?"
I wasn't sure.
I didn't have anything against kids, but I did have something against the things that could possibly happen to kids. There were no guarantees in this life and I didn't want to be held responsible for the life of a small, innocent person when I couldn't guarantee nothing horrible ever happened to them. The person who I had thought was supposed to love me the most in the whole entire world was the one person who had hurt me the most. And it didn't matter that she wasn't my real mother and never had been. What mattered was that I had thought she was at the time and she had done her damnedest to destroy my life and bring me low and keep me there. It had tainted the way I had looked at things.
"Anything is possible, girl," he said in a sweet voice. "Bad things happen every day, yeah, it's true. But you're forgetting about all of the good things that happen as well. All of us are broken just a little bit whether we show it or not, we are. I think it's part of the reason you just fit in in so well with the rest of us, because you're broken a little bit too. Together we're all better than we would be apart and we're better off for it too. If we brought a kid into the mix it wouldn't be for years and years from now and after wealldecided it's something we wanted. That's how this works, we all have to be down with it and discuss it before we do something that big. And, besides, it's not just you who doesn't want children one day. Dash is vehemently against it and I think his reasons are a whole lot like yours. So, it's not even something you should be stressing out about right now. I know you're just worried because of what I just said to you about the Council and all, but really, you don't have anything to worry about when it comes to that."
Well, wasn't that a relief.
“Now, I want to get back to what I think is important," he said as he continued on speeding down the dark road. "The talk on kids should wait until we're all together to talk about it and it's not really important right now because it's not going to happen any time soon so it's not worth talking about right now. There will come a time when we should be talking about it but that time isn't now. You don't even have to worry about that with the Council."
I was glad he'd said it because I really didn't want to talk about it anymore either. I sighed in relief and finally relaxed back against my seat. The thought of having children with anyone made me want to break out into hives... The thought of having it forced on me because the Council thought it's what women should be doing with themselves made me sick to my stomach.
I couldn't think about it or I would end up puking all over the dashboard of Ty's fabulous car and as much as I knew he liked me I didn't think he'd feel the same way after I did something like that. I mean, if our situations were reversed and he threw up all over inside my Rover I would not be pleased with him and I definitely wouldn't be the one to clean it up because cleaning up vomit would make me want to vomit even more. And that was never fun.
Yeah, no thanks.
Therefore, I asked him, "What is it that you think is important that you would rather be talking about?"
I was ready to talk about anything other than having babies and the creepy Council. Or having babies with the creepy Council. Ugh, just gross. And, it wasn't like we didn't have the time to talk, the drive to the Motel where the freaking Council we had just been talking about was staying took a good long while and we had plenty of time on our hands.
I needed a distraction from what we'd been talking about and the cell phone he'd given back to me that sat like an anchor in my front hoodie pocket and it made me feel incredibly guilty. I knew most of the others, and not just Quinton would see what we were doing as wrong and that's why I felt guilty. Because I knew they'd think it was wrong and I was still doing it anyways and, no matter how heavy the weight of the guilt over that phone in my pocket became, I wouldn't be calling the others to let them know what was going on.
It made me feel like an extremely horrible person and I hoped when they found out about what we'd been off doing they would forgive the both of us and I sincerely hoped nothing bad happened tonight because if it did they would never forgive me. Or us.
Geez, this just got worse and worse the more I thought on it.
Ty had been right. We were both going to be in deep shit and not just with Dash, but he sure was going to lose his shit when he found out about this.
"I don't have feelings for Annabell," Tyson declared and my head whipped around so fast to look at him that my hair flew around and smacked me in the face.
I opened my mouth to argue with him because it sure did seem like he had some sort of feelings for her because he was going through an awful lot of trouble to make sure nothing bad happened to her and he kept on taking her calls and meeting up with her when he could have easily hit the ignore button and instead told everyone else that she was lurking about and back to being the conniving bitch that she was.
