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And then he was gone.
…
Walking out that door had been the hardest thing Gray had ever done. Those words…please, don’t go…they would echo in his empty heart for the rest of his life. And they’d destroy him over and over every time.
He didn’t say a word to anyone as he passed them on the porch. They’d probably heard every word, and he didn’t care.
The only person who mattered just then was Mercy.
God. Even thinking her name made his heart ache and bleed.
He rode Birdie back home as fast as she’d take him, and then stood in the courtyard a full five minutes, realizing he now considered this place home.
Home.
He’d never had one before. Maybe when he was a small boy, though all he really remembered was moving from place to place. His mama had always tried to make wherever they’d ended up feel like a home. Put up the same white curtains with their little embroidered daisies on them wherever they went. But he didn’t remember anything about those places. Except his mama and those daisies.
And then he’d come here. To Desolation. To Mercy. And he’d finally felt like he was home.
Leaving it would be like ripping his heart from his chest and leaving it behind in the dirt.
But he’d do all that and more if it meant keeping Mercy safe.
He forced himself inside and packed up his belongings as fast as he could. He needed to get this over with and get out of town before he changed his mind. Before he let those words that were tearing his soul apart persuade him into staying. Into being a bigger danger for those around him. For her.
He had Birdie’s saddlebags loaded up and was on the road moments before the rumble of wagon wheels and a cloud of dust announced the imminent arrival of his wife. A flash of panic whipped at him, and he steered Birdie into the trees. Shame churned through his gut, but he didn’t hesitate to lead Birdie farther away from the main road. He couldn’t face Mercy again.
If he saw her, heard those words again, he’d never be able to leave. He’d barely been able to force himself out the door the first time, and it nearly cost him everything he was. He wouldn’t be able to do it a second time, and for her safety, he needed to leave. He caught a glimpse of the wagon as it drove by. A flash of light brown hair, its burnished highlights glinting in the sun. He rubbed his chest, though nothing he could do would ease the ache there. His fingers brushed against the golden star on his vest…the badge that had once felt so foreign but had started to become a familiar and even gratifying weight.
He’d need to leave it before he left town. He didn’t want to take it with him. Didn’t want any part of Desolation following him after he left. It would be nothing but a painful reminder of the good life he briefly had. But he couldn’t bring himself to just discard it. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt to give Sunshine a few last-minute instructions.
Jason was already at the jailhouse when Gray dismounted and tied Birdie to her usual post. His deputy stood leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, a look of unfamiliar disapproval on his face.
“Don’t you start,” Gray said, pushing his way past him.
Jason didn’t say anything for a moment, merely watched as Gray went to his desk, removed the star from his chest, and dropped it to the table.
“So, you’re really doing it, then,” Jason said. “Leaving just like that.”
“Yeah. Just like that.”
“You’re unbelievable,” Jason said, derision coating every word.
Gray nearly flinched but squeezed his hands into fists to keep from reacting. “Thanks.”
Jason snorted, though more from exasperation than humor. “It wasn’t a compliment.”
Gray sighed. “I’m aware of that, Sunshine. I just really don’t feel like going into all this with you. It’s none of your business.”
Jason’s jaw about dropped. “None of my business? It’s every bit of my business, especially since your leaving makes me the new sheriff.”
“Congratulations.”
“I don’t want your congratulations, damn it! I want you to be a man and stay where you’re needed. You’re the sheriff. You’re a husband. How can you just leave?”
“How?” Gray rounded on Jason, making him hastily step back. “Do you think this is easy for me?”
Jason swallowed hard, his eyes wide and anxious, but he didn’t back down. “Yeah. I do. Or you wouldn’t be doing it. You never wanted any of this in the first place. You’ve made no secret about that.”
