Page 85 of If I Could


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“Maybe before I was born but not when I was older. They definitely weren’t in love by the time my brother was born.”

“You have a brother?”

He pauses, his eyes moving around like he doesn’t know how to answer. Why is that a hard question? He either has a brother or doesn’t. Or maybe he had a brother but he died.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing.” He shakes his head.

“You don’t want to talk about your brother?”

“No. We’re uh…not really speaking right now.”

“Oh. That’s too bad. Is he younger or older?”

Kyle doesn’t answer.

“You don’t want to talk about him.”

He still says nothing, so I do.

“I’m an only child,” I say. “My dad took off when I was little. That was the first time he broke my mom’s heart. And then he did it again.”

“I can see why you’re losing faith in men.”

I shrug. “I don’t think all men are bad. But I am more cautious now than I used to be. I worry that guys are lying to me. I worry I can’t trust what they say. That’s why I keep asking you questions. I want to prove to myself you’re nothing like him. But that’s not fair to you and it’s wrong of me to make assumptions about you that aren’t true. I know that, and I keep reminding myself not to do it but sometimes I still do.”

“It’s not a bad thing to question what people say. People lie. It’s a fact of life.”

“I know, but I can’t have a relationship built on suspicion. It has to be built on trust and I’m not sure I’m there yet, which is why I agreed to keep things casual with you. I want to get to know you but if you’re not willing to share much then I guess I’m okay with that, knowing this isn’t going to last.” I smile. “We’ll just be two mysterious strangers, keeping each other company for the summer.”

“We’re not strangers,” he says seriously. “I already have feelings for you, Sage.”

“You do?” I ask, my heart skittering with excitement because before now I wasn’t really sure if he had feelings for me. I definitely have feelings for him. I can’t quite define them yet, but I love spending time with him and when he’s not around I can’t stop thinking about him. “What kind of feelings?”

He rubs my hand. “The kind that makes me wish the situation were different. That this wasn’t just for the summer.”

“What if it wasn’t?” I ask, my eyes meeting up with his.

“That’s all it can be.” He looks down. “I’m sorry, Sage, but the summer is all I can give you. And it may not even be that long.”

I don’t ask what he means by that because I don’t want the answer. I don’t want this to end. It just started, and although Kyle is confusing and frustrating and sends my emotions all over the damn place, I still want him around. I don’t want him to leave.

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

KYLE

I wakeup suddenly and forget where I am for a moment, my body tense and rigid. Looking around, I remember I’m not home. Not in my room. Not in that house. Only then do I let myself relax, taking a deep breath.

Feeling something against me, I look down and see Sage nestled under my arm, her head on my chest. She’s sound asleep, looking both beautiful and sweet.

The TV is making a low humming noise and I see it flickering with static. I search for the remote to turn it off but can’t find it. Then I see it on the couch cushion, sticking out from under Sage’s leg. I reach down and try to gently slide it out from under her without waking her up.

She moves a little, her eyes still closed, and mumbles, “Kyle.”

Hearing her say my name in her sleep makes me smile. Maybe she’s dreaming about me. If so, I hope it’s all good. I don’t want her thinking bad things about me. I’m not a bad person. My father is, but I’m not. I may be lying to her but it’s for her own good. For her safety.

When we got home earlier I almost let the truth slip out. I wanted to tell her everything; what I’ve been through, where I’m really from, and why I had to go into hiding. I’m sick of keeping all this a secret. If I could just tell one person I’d feel better and could maybe get another opinion on what to do.

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