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“Hey…Ian,” Charlie said, and despite not being the ones addressed, both Eric and Rhianne turned to him, breaking the deadlock between them.
“We should go check the perimeter,” Charlie continued, raising his chin at the door.
“We should? We…should.” Ian swung his gaze from Eric to Rhianne. Nodding, he followed Charlie, Eric moving aside to let them out. “Although,” Ian continued, “I think one of us should probably stay and referee.”
“Go to hell,” Eric replied savagely, not appreciating Ian’s attempt at humor.
The door closed behind the two men, leaving Eric alone with Rhianne.
“Well?” she demanded. “What have you got to say for yourself, ‘partner’?”
He took in a steadying breath, fighting to hold on to his temper. “You were getting reckless, Rhianne. Think about how you were acting. I wanted a contingency plan—and I wasrightto have one. If Ian and Charlie hadn’t shown up, we’d be dead by now.”
Rhianne didn’t take the time to reflect, as he’d suggested. She attacked. “Do you have any idea how I feel when we were supposed to trust one another, and you stabbed me in the back?”
“Trust.” Eric couldn’t keep the bitterness from his voice.
“Trust?” Rhianne repeated, bringing him back to the present. “Oh, don’t stop there. Go on!”
The deep breath he’d forced into his lungs came tumbling back out in the form of words. “Did you trust me? Really? Because the way you were acting back at the compound, it seemed you didn’t think I would actually get Robyn out. Itoldyou we would win Robyn. I told you that was our best chance to get her out safely. And you agreed! But one crass comment about her ass and you suddenly had to step in to do everything yourself. We came within inches of dying because you couldn’t trust me forfive more minutes.That was all it would have taken. We were in it together, as you said. Or should have been, if you hadn’t let your doubts, your fears, get in the way. You sabotaged us, putting everyone at risk—includingRobyn—all because you had to manage things by yourself. For yourself.”
He was speaking about a lot more than the incident on the compound now, or even the entire undercover operation, and it was obvious Rhianne knew it.
“How dare you!” she half shouted. “You have no idea what this has been like for me! Are you really going to condemn me for doing everything I could think of to protect my sister? What the hell do you know about family?”
It was as if she could see into his past, see the four-year-old wandering around the neighborhood alone, because his young mother couldn’t cope with him anymore. Could see the succession of placements with foster families. He’d lived in far too many houses but had never had anything that resembled an actual home, much less an actual family. The closest he’d come had been at his last placement, where he had a brother. Well, foster-brother, who he’d promised to protect, to make a life for once they’d aged out of the foster system—but hadn’t. Couldn’t, not when Caleb had been killed at age sixteen while trying to hold up a gas station.
Funny, their foster mother, Angela, had always tried to instill in them when they were growing up that life was a school, that whatever happened was to teach them something they needed to learn. What Eric had learned from Caleb’s death was never to throw himself fully into a relationship, no matter what kind, ever again. Eric had been seventeen at the time. Fifteen years had passed since then. Fifteen years in which he’d had nothing and no one permanent in his life. His fellow SEALs had come the closest—especially Charlie and Ian—but it wasn’t quite the same. He’d made sure of it by always keeping a certain distance between himself and others. It was why being a sniper had always suited him. The eyes in the sky, the person above and removed from the situation who could see things clearly from his vantage point.
But now, with Rhianne, everything was muddled.
“You didn’t give me the chance, and you didn’t give us a chance.” He said the words slowly, feeling every ounce of their weight. He’d trusted her, but the trust hadn’t been returned. She’d let him down. He’d been a fool to expect things to go any other way.
“Us?” Rhianne repeated. She dashed the back of her hand over her mouth. “Our…relationship?” Rhianne rolled the word around as if she’d never heard it before. “Whatrelationship? Whatever was between us is over.”
Yeah. That was about what he’d been expecting. But where she was riled up and angry, her eyes blazing and her breath coming in harsh pants, Eric could only feel numb. It didn’t hurt, not really. It just felt like a door inside him—one that he’d kept hidden and protected for all these years, one that had only started to crack open as he’d gotten to know Rhianne—had slammed shut.So much for that. I should have known better,he thought, too tired to be bitter, even in the privacy of his own thoughts. Rhianne wasn’t who he’d thought she was, and their relationship had never been what he’d hoped it might be. The fantasy was over and now it was time to get back to reality.
So be it. He was a SEAL. He’d taken blows that had broken bones or concussed him and he’d continued, getting the job done, finishing the mission. He’d do the same here, and from now on, and he’d never let his guard down like this again.
He gave a short, sharp nod, a tight dip of his head in acknowledgement of her words. “You’re right. Things would never have worked between us.” He turned.
“What—where are you going?” Rhianne asked behind him.
“I need some air.” Eric spoke with his back to her. “I’ll send the others back in. Lock the door behind me and don’t open it until you know it’s them.” And with that, he walked away.
17
Eric lurched blindly out into the Tijuana night, not really registering any sights or sounds of his immediate surroundings until he felt himself grabbed, strong hands snatching at the back of his shirt …just as the truck he would have stumbled out in front of swerved away from him.
Shit.Eric held up a hand in apology to the truck driver, even though the guy couldn’t see him. God almighty.
“Eric?” asked Ian from behind him. Ian, whose timely grab had stopped Eric from wandering out onto the road.
“I’m fine.” Eric shrugged out of Ian’s hold but didn’t turn around to face him. Charlie came up on his left and Eric didn’t make eye contact with him either, just kept his head down. He didn’t want to answer any of the questions his longtime friends were bound to have if they got a good look at his face.
“What happened?” Charlie asked, his voice sharp with concern. “Because you don’t usually play chicken with delivery trucks. I’d have noticed.”
“Nothing.”Everything.“I just need some air,” Eric said. “Alone,” he added, clearing his throat to make his voice sound halfway normal.
