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serenity
18 YEARS OLD
Since I don’t want to be rushed during my talk with Aunt Fran, I text Adam to let him know we’ll get together tomorrow. I’ve been waiting for this for years. I’m finally going to learn what happened between my mama and Fran. The hot water eases some of the tension in my shoulders. It doesn’t clear my head any, but it does warm my body. I take my time getting dried off and dressed. Leaving my hair wet, I pull it into a side braid and make my way over the creaking floorboards, back to find Aunt Fran waiting for me in the living room. She looks sad and nervous as she paces the floor. Her body is hunched, and she seems like nothing but a shrunken shell of the woman she was when I first arrived. Her eyes are heavy with bags underneath them. Her skin seems paler. Is it the stress of our conversation that’s got her looking so frail and sickly? Or have I been so caught up in the King brothers that I haven’t noticed? She looks so different when she’s not smiling or laughing. Did I do this to her?
I rush up to her and wrap my arms tightly around her. “I’m so sorry. I was way out of line. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Ssshhh. It’s probably those teenage hormones. And I’m sure Adam King has you twisted up in knots.” She’s trying to tease me, but her voice is missing its typical carefree tone. “All right, sit down before I chicken out and take off running.”
She doesn’t join me on the couch and goes back to walking the floor. Finally, she claps her hands and, once again, brings her fingertips to her lips in a silent prayer.
“I’m a year older than Sydney.” My mama. “My freshman year of college, I met this guy at a party. We slept together. I was really taken with him, but I didn’t think anything would come of it. I didn’t want to be that girl. I knew we were in college, and it was a party hookup. Plus, I wasn’t looking for a relationship. But God did I want him to ask for my number. He didn’t.”
I frown but remain quiet. Where is she going with this?
“Fast forward to the end of spring semester, I run into him again during a pub crawl. This time after we hooked up, he asked for my number and wanted to take me out on a date. Unfortunately, I was going back home for the summer. However, much to my delight, we texted off and on all summer. We didn’t discuss personal life or our families, but we did spend hours talking about our dreams, hopes, desires, and truths. I was the most honest with him than I ever was with another person.”
Fran pauses with a wistful look in her eyes. She forces a smile as she meets mine. “Sophomore year, I was excited.” She gives a little laugh. “I’ve got this great guy I’m texting, and now my sister is my roommate. I didn’t get to see my guy when I first moved back because he was really busy with his fraternity, and I wanted time with Sydney. She was a freshman and I felt like I was really something, being an already-experienced college sophomore. I was planning to get together the following weekend with my guy. Thursday afternoon was when my world flipped and never recovered.”
She rubs her arms as though she’s caught a chill. Her eyes are unfocused as she looks off into the past. “I came to the dorm room after class.” Fran pauses and tilts her head back. Her chest rises and falls three times before she turns to show me her heartbroken eyes. “There was Sydney sitting on the futon giggling with my guy. At first, I was pleasantly surprised, but then I saw the shocked look on his face. Sydney jumped up and introduced us. She was so happy. What was I supposed to say? So instead… I played dumb. So did he. Once he left, she gushed all about him. She met him in class, and he offered to take her out to lunch and then walked her back to the dorm. That was where I noticed the difference and knew he was never mine.
“He only had sex with me but wanted to take her out. I was a quick lay, whereas with my sister, he was willing to put forth some effort. Anyway, I wasn’t surprised when he texted me that he was sorry and canceled our date. Instead, he took out Sydney. He’d come to our dorm, and I’d find reasons to make myself scarce. Then one night he texted me.”
Aunt Fran sniffles and takes some time to gather her voice again, her hands trembling as she picks at her fingernail.
“He asked me to meet him at the computer lab. How was I supposed to know anything wrong could happen there? But it did. He told me he’d been thinking about me, missed our talks, and wanted to know if I’d keep him company while he finished a project. At first, it was innocent. Then he’d find little ways to touch me. Long story short, I ended up in the back seat of his car.”
Aunt Fran breaks down into tears. I sit there stunned. She slept with her sister’s boyfriend. My mouth opens and closes as I struggle to speak. Finally, I say, “I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell Mama.”
“It would’ve crushed her!”
“And him cheating on her with you didn’t? It sounds like it hurt both of you.”
She grabs a tissue and blows her nose. Then she heaves out a breath before continuing. “We didn’t tell her. I swore it would never happen again. I avoided him at all costs, but I never stopped thinking about him. I don’t think he fully forgot about me either. Anytime we were in a room together, there was a hum of electricity. Our eyes would hold each other’s for a second too long. I was always the one to break the spell and run away.”
“This guy was horrible! He was eye-screwing you while he was with my mom. You should’ve told her he had been with you.”
“Maybe. But then we wouldn’t have you.”
My throat squeezes, and I feel like my heart is being shredded. No. I force myself to swallow down the scream that’s building within me. “My father was the guy? The asshole who slept with you, ditched you for your sister, and then played my mother for a fool? Why? I don’t understand.” With a shaky voice, I ask, “Did it happen again?”
In a voice void of emotion, she recites, “Homecoming Junior year. Our graduation. Once after a double date. The night before their wedding…”
My poor mother. Her boyfriend… fiancé… husband slept with her sister. This is why they don’t speak anymore. Then she must’ve known, but she stayed married to him.
Fran gets a dreamy look in her eyes that has my stomach turning. “Grayson was beyond handsome and charming. We tell ourselves all kinds of pretty lies when we don’t want to believe what’s right in front of our face. It wasn’t as bad as some affairs, because it was… Well, it wasn’t that often. Ha! I’m still trying to defend the lies we’d tell ourselves. Even if it was only once, it was enough to destroy my most valuable relationship in the world—the one with my sister. Each time was enough to keep me swooning and yearning for him. Just enough to keep me from finally moving on and starting a life of my own.
“Sydney caught us while she was pregnant with you and that was when I really lost everything. If I thought I was lonely and pathetic before, it was nothing compared to losing her and a relationship I knew I’d never get to have with you. So I did what I’d always done. I ran. I made myself scarce. I put as much distance between us as I could, so even if he did call me, even if I was weak enough to answer, even if I wanted to go to him, there was no way it could happen.”
I’m numb as I sit there and try to process her words. It all makes sense. Mama’s hostility and evident grudge against her. Daddy won’t even speak her name. Daddy. How do I even feel about him after learning this? I can’t picture him ever being that type of man. He’s always been so doting toward me and Mama. At the same time, I’m attracted to brothers. Aren’t I doing the same thing? I’m no better than my father. But if I committed to marrying one, then I wouldn’t string the other one along. I wouldn’t use one brother while having a child with the other one. A strange thought pops into my head.
“Is that why Mama wouldn’t have any more children? Was she worried he’d cheat again?”
Aunt Fran only offers a sad smile and a shrug. She releases a shaky breath and then clears her throat. “I’m sorry. I really need a moment. Do you mind if I go for a walk?”
“Of course. And thank you. Not for having an affair with my dad, but for finally having the courage to tell me.”
Her mouth opens, but she quickly closes it. “I have more I want to tell you, but I’m drained. That really took a toll on me. But thank you for not running out of here screaming. I really wanted you to get to know me as your aunt and not… Well, I know this changes things, but I’m glad I got three weeks as simply your aunt.”
