AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Holy shit. It made sense, and if I’d actually been aware of what I was, I’d have felt like an idiot for not realizing it. These flowers weren’t the only ones.
I loved gardening with Mom and everything we—everything I—touched bloomed with a vibrance that was almost unbelievable.
“This can help you in the present, Thea. Finding your happiness, using it to anchor you, can help you turn your ability on and off at will. When you need your power to come to you, bring this memory to the fore, this and others like it.”
Present-me felt a tear slip free. I didn’t want to leave this memory.
I wanted to sit there while Mom worked through my riot of red curls, taming them into a crown of perfect spirals held in place by pearl-tipped bobby pins. I wanted to hear her laugh as I told her about what a bad dancer Jason was, and for her to demonstrate her best moves behind me while I giggled so hard my sides hurt.
“You can return whenever you like, Thea. This place will always be here for you to experience.”
I knew that, but letting go still wasn’t easy.
“Come back now, and we’ll try another. The more memories you can easily access, the better prepared you’ll be.”
Past-me went off-script and turned to kiss Mom on the cheek when she bent to grab a pin from the desk.
I love you, Momma. More than you’ll ever know.
And just like that, my eyes opened. I was back in Brodgan’s classroom, the world righted once more. Brodgan watched me intently, leaning forward with his elbows resting on both knees.
“It can be a little unsettling shifting between the past and present. How are you feeling?”
“Okay, I think.” I hadn’t revealed anything damning to him, but those were still my private memories. My moments I hadn’t wanted to share with him. I avoided meeting his gaze, making a show of straightening up in my chair and adjusting my shirt before smoothing my hands down my pants.
“Good, we’ll go again in a few minutes. This time I want you to try to go back further, try to find something from your childhood.”
I was curious as to why, but I was still a little discombobulated, so I decided to hold my peace for now. Still, the way he was leaning in made him seem so much closer than he had been when I first closed my eyes. Clearly, he didn’t understand the concept of personal space bubbles.
“Do you think I could take a break, Professor? I could use a breather, if that’s alright.” There was a door not too far down the hallway that led out into the gardens. If I could just get outside—
“I’m not surprised you have an affinity for the outdoors.”
“Why is that?”
“Given where you come from, it only stands to reason.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but I wanted to get some air more than I wanted to press him for more details. “Um, that break?”
“I’m sorry, Thea, but I think it’s best we press on. Emotional vulnerability can lower shields we don’t even realize we’ve erected around ourselves.”
Fuck. I had no argument that would possibly get me out of it, so all I could do was follow his instruction and try to mentally prepare to strip myself bare again. With no clue what I was doing, I tried to erect a mental shield around the memories I needed to hide. If he found out I had the power to take life, that I’d done it the night of the party? No good could come of that.
“Relax and we’ll try to go back further this time.”
I did as instructed, glad to let my eyes fall shut again. If I couldn’t see him, I could pretend Brodgan wasn’t far too deep into my personal space for comfort.
“You’re going to do the same thing as before. Think of a moment in your life where you were full of joy, but I want you to focus on your childhood, something before puberty.”
I could see the exact moment as clearly as if it were happening again. Mom and Dad were standing side-by-side on the porch, his arm wrapped around her waist, her head resting on his shoulder.
I ran through our front yard with the puppy they’d given me a few weeks before, the little ball of fur I’d named Panda yapping happily. Leaves crunched underfoot, and I raced toward the pile I’d gathered and dove into it. Panda followed, both of us tumbling in the heaping mound of fallen foliage.
It had taken me over an hour to grab them from the neighbors’ yard, since our trees had yet to turn for the season, but it was worth it. I hadn’t stopped grinning since we’d come outside.
My heart broke at the sight and I struggled to get away from the memory. I focused all my might on finding another recollection, something else that wouldn’t call up one of the most painful moments of my life, but it was like I was locked in. There would be no leaving this scene until it had played out.
Yes, it was one of the happiest, most comforting memories of my childhood, but it was also the last day I ever spent with my father.
