Page 35 of Surrender


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I’m grateful for this time with her. I don’t think, even if I was able to explain it, she would understand her impact on me. Ava has changed everything.

Chapter ten

Ava

The boat, much like the carriage in one of my favorite fairy tales, had to be back at our dock by a certain time. Rafael said we could get it back anytime and all I had to do was ask. It’s still a foreign concept of asking for what I want or need. My job is about putting the needs of the client first. My relationship with Vince was a lot of sacrifice on my part. My time with Rafael is completely about giving. He gives of himself and so do I.

I told him I wanted a few minutes to myself just to breathe. He didn’t argue, persuade, or make me feel guilty about it. He gave me my space freely. I walked down our private beach to find a hammock gently strung between two swaying palms. The shade gives me a small break from the heat of the day and, if I’m so inclined, I can watch Rafael in any window of the villa.

He was in the kitchen for a while on the phone, then I saw him upstairs on our bedroom balcony. I know he thought I wasn’t watching him stare off into the distance, but I was and am. It’s not often that people surprise me. I can usually get a feel for a person within a few moments of meeting them. Rafael has surprised me since our second meeting.

He could easily get what he wants with how alarmingly beautiful he is. If people aren’t careful, they will miss everything else. Rafael is immensely intelligent and unbelievably sweet. I get the strongest sense that he’s as much of a hopeless romantic as I am, maybe even more so. This is the first minute I’ve had real panic since I arrived and saw him. Even though I think I knew a while ago, I’m willing to admit I am falling hard and fast for this man.

I close my eyes and rest my hands over my belly, encouraging myself to breathe deep, like I asked for. The gentle breeze and the weight of my body allows the hammock to sway slowly. It’s like I’m swinging on a playground or being rocked gently like a baby. Either way, it’s calming.

I think I doze off for a while. The next thing I remember after swaying is Rafael lightly touching my face with his finger. “You’re so beautiful, Bella,” he whispers loud enough to be heard over the wind. “I was watching you from the balcony. I wasn’t trying to intrude, but I needed to be close to your peace.”

I sigh. “It didn’t start very peacefully, but it’s ending up that way.”

“Why? Is something wrong?”

“I wouldn’t call it wrong. I just got in my head for a minute, even though I promised myself I wouldn’t.”

His brow furrows a bit. “Are you questioning being here?”

“No. No, don’t think that. The only thing you should be worried about is that you’re there and I’m here. There’s room for you, if you’d like to join me.”

“There is no like involved. I need to be with you. Why don’t you sit up and I will slide in around you?”

“Are you sure? I have visions of us ending up facedown in the water you’re standing in.”

“I’m certain. Are you doubting my skill?”

“I would never doubt that. It’s in gravity I trust.” I smile, as I scoot my body down. Rafael steadies us on either side with his hands as he threads one leg around my body before anchoring in around me.

“Gravity is a tricky thing, Bella.”

We slowly sink into the tightly woven netting together. I find I want to be curled next to him instead of centered with him. We complete a delicate horizontal dance until I’m tucked under his arm. My cheek is resting just over his heart. Rafael twists a few strands of my hair between his fingers and slowly pulls the curl straight, over and over again. It feels like he’s using it to soothe himself.

”Is there anything wrong?” I ask.

“How could there be?” he answers.

“I don’t know. I watched you looking at the ocean before I closed my eyes for a bit. It didn’t seem like happy thoughts.”

“No one is happy all the time. However, you make me happy and that’s where I am right now, with you.”

“All right. I won’t pressure you. Sylvia and my brother tell me I’m a good listener. If you decide there is something, I want you to know I will listen. You don’t have to be okay for me if you’re not. That’s all.”

“I would hope you know the same thing. I was watching you as well. Your meditative breathing took on a life of its own.”

“I just got overwhelmed. My mom told me that I have the emotions of two people inside me. I feel a lot sometimes, so breathing helps me sort it all out. It’s not anything you need to be worried about. I’d tell you if there was.”

“I’m glad you trust me like that.”

I look up toward his face. “I trust you in a lot of ways. I wouldn’t be able to be here if I didn’t. Rafael, I would like to know more about you.”

“I told you just ask. I will tell you anything.”

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