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WEST, AKA PLOTTING A SHALLOW GRAVE
Bringing Toomeys—notincluding my dream girl, who is most definitely a Fontaine and soon to be a Mercer—to the homestead is kinda like inviting the devil to a church bake sale. Not like the worst idea ever, but I’m not getting any high fives for the effort.
However, I need to get to know Gary, prove I’m not repulsed by Alexis’s dumbass father, and then kick his ass out of town. My biker senses say he won’t leave willingly, but a few bucks in his pocket ought to do the trick.
My parents find Gary tolerable since he reminds them of OG Peepaw Zeb. Tuesday is thrilled to have Zelda around to argue with about nothing. Val flirts with Juno until she announces she’s in love with Tripp.
“That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” he says, forcing me to knock him into the wall.
A wrestling match and barbecue dinner later, we break into two groups. The girls head inside to talk about how fun menopause can be. Though I’d rather hang out with Alexis than with her father, I choose not to join their lady-hormone-based conversation.
On the back deck, my great-grandfather’s spicy peach pie moonshine recipe settles us into a relaxed mood.
My pa keeps chuckling at something rolling around in his head.
King Peepaw Jared gets handsy with his mustache in a way that makes me think he’s fantasizing about Queen Meemaw Christine.
Court dozes off until Val snorts at Ike running by with Otto chasing after him. Donovan decides his adult sons need supervision. However, I suspect my uncle just wants to bail before Gary finishes a third cup of moonshine.
“Are you planning to return to Fork Falls?” I ask, trying to sound casual.
“Sure, in time,” Gary replies. “It’s real lonely there without Alexis. She also did all the shopping. I’m not looking forward to returning to an empty fridge.”
When I just glare at an oblivious Gary, Court asks, “If you’re gone too long, won’t they rent out your trailer?”
“Sure, but we’ll just get another one. That’s the fifth place in the same park we’ve lived in. We get evicted and then save up money to get another one. It’s a common dance around those parts.”
Annoyed by how he acts like Alexis might return with him, I look to my father for help in moseying this conversation where I want it to go.
Pa-Emmett nods at me and then says, “Losing someone is painful. Takes time to get past it. Something you know plenty about.”
“Come again?” Gary asks.
Pa-Emmett replies, “With your wife?”
“Oh, yes, I’ve got to let Alexis follow her dreams just like I did with Shania. A real man can weather those storms, and I’m all man.”
“You mean her dream to take a selfie?” Val asks like a dickhead.
I nearly leap across the patio and smother my brother with my sweaty armpit.
“No, no, that’s just something I told Alexis,” Gary says and reaches for the bottle of moonshine. “So, you have access to this devil piss any time you want? How are you not blitzed twenty-four seven?”
Court replies in an edgy voice, “We pray a lot.”
“Go back to that thing you said,” I order Gary.
Offering me a wink, he says, “I’m all man.”
“No, the thing about Alexis’s mom. If Shania didn’t die from a selfie, how did she die?”
“She didn’t,” Gary says before immediately asking, “Now, do you make this, or is this the work of that old man I saw running around earlier?”
“You faked her death?” I demand and kick his chair. “Stick to that part and stop talking about the booze.”
Gary chuckles, unbothered by my anger. Alexis has the same “whatever” vibe. Though with her, I often sense she’s pushing herself not to care as a way to protect her heart.
“I didn’t fake anything, really,” he explains after a sip of moonshine. “Shania and I went for a romantic weekend to the Jersey Shore. She was a big fan of that show.”
