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“That’s wonderful baby.” I smiled, but inside, my heart was so broken, it was hard. I sipped the chilled wine, wishing it would dull the pain.
“How do you feel about hamburgers and fries?” Ash asked.
“I love French fries,” Hannah said, jumping up and down.
“I have fruit too, so at least one thing can be healthy,” he said with a wink to me.
“You have to cut the grapes,” Hannah said. “So, I don’t swallow them and choke.”
His brow rose as he looked at me.
I shrugged. “I worry a lot.”
He looked at Hannah. “I can see why.” His gaze returned to mine. “She’s perfect Beth. You’ve done a wonderful job.”
I liked the accolade and yet, I was also sad that he’d missed her first five years “Thank you. She’s a lot like you, actually.”
“Oh?” He watched as Hannah hopped and jumped the length of the terrace.
“Kind, and sweet, and generous.” I wanted to say forgiving, but that would likely be too obvious and pushing it.
“I nearly kicked my father’s ass last night,” he said low, still watching Hannah and sipping his wine.
“Oh?”
“He stole this from me. I ache when I think about how much I missed. He stole it from her too.”
I worked to keep the tears back. “I’m so sorry, Ash. I thought you didn’t want me—”
“I don’t blame you. Well not for the past.”
“What did he say?” I asked, curious as to his role in our doomed relationship.
“He denies knowing about Hannah or knowing she was mine.”
“You don’t believe him?”
“I don’t know. I suspect your father wouldn’t have told him, otherwise he would have wanted me to know. To exert my rights.” He looked at me. “I do have rights, Beth.”
I nodded. “I downloaded some papers off the internet where you can acknowledge paternity and we can have the birth certificate changed.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course.” There was so much I wanted to say, but Hannah zoomed toward us.
“Look how fast I am, Daddy.”
“Wow, so fast,” he said scooping her up as she ran into him. “I’ll never get tired of hearing that,” He said to me.
“What?”
“Her calling me Daddy.”
Ash grilled the burgers and we all sat at his table for dinner. For a moment, I savored the feeling of being a family, even if it was just for this one little moment.
After dinner, Ash taught Hannah how to play Go Fish until her eyes were drooping.
“I should get her home,” I said.
“I want to stay here. In my room,” Hannah said, crawling into Ash’s lap.
“Let her stay. I’ll put her down and we can talk,” he said.
I nodded, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to leave her for the night. I wondered if he’d let me stay in one of the other guest rooms.
“Good night sweetie,” I said.
“’Night mommy.”
While Ash put her to bed, I got another glass of wine. Would this get easier, I wondered? Or harder? What were the chances that I’d stay in love, maybe even fall deeper in love with him as this went on? Pretty good. The truth was, I’d love him forever.
“You okay?” Ash asked as he found me on the terrace.
I started to give an automatic, “Yes,” but instead, I shook my head. “No.”
“What’s wrong?”
I turned to him feeling so desperate. “Would there be any scenario in which you’d forgive me?”
His jaw clenched. “I don’t know.”
That wasn’t a no.
“I don’t understand why you kept it from me this time. What sort of person do you think I am—”
“I think you’re perfect,” I blurted. “I was just… afraid, I guess. It’s been hard the past few years. My father’s death. Ben drinking away his life. I learned that I was stronger and more capable than I would have thought, but I did that on my own. The only bright spot was Hannah, and I couldn’t risk losing her. I’d die without her.”
His eyes softened, but only slightly. “It hurts me to know that you thought I’d take her from you.”
“I know. My only defense is that it was more my fear than anything about you. Although it had been six years, since I’d seen you. You could have been different. The Ravens have a reputation for being hard and cutthroat.”
“Even if I’m an asshole, I deserve to know.”
“Yes, of course. You’re right. I’m sorry, Ash I don’t know what else to say.”
He shrugged and looked out over the river.
“Wait, I do have something else.” Seriously, I should have led with the most important thing. I had nothing to lose and so much to gain.
He turned back to me.
“I love you.”
His breath caught. “Beth—”
“No,” I said holding my hand up so I could finish. “The truth is, I’ve always loved you, even when I was trying to hate you for leaving me. I loved you the other night when you told me you loved me. Before I killed your love. I hate myself for not telling you then. I’d do anything to have you love me again.”
