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“That’s right, baby,” I whispered in her ear and then kissed her temple. It occurred to me that we moved together well, not just in bed, but like this and in life. She calmed me and as it turned out, I could calm her.
Eventually, she turned and looked up at me with surprised eyes.
“I’m just doing what you taught me to do,” I said. I worried she’d equate that to our counseling, reminding her that she’d once been my therapist, although when she taught me it, she’d already dumped me as a client.
Finally, I saw resignation, and she leaned into me. I liked that she was giving in, and yet, I didn’t want resignation. I wanted her to want me. I wanted to know that she’d fight for me too.
“Tell me you want this,” I said, repeating the words I’d said before.
She leaned her head back and looked at me again. “There’s never been a doubt that I want this…that I want you.”
I’d take that. I leaned down and kissed her. “I told you, in my nightmares, you always come at the end and tell me to let go.”
She nodded. “I remember.”
“You need to let go, too, Grace. Let’s just both let go and see where this takes us.”
I knew I was asking a lot of her. Not only would she be risking her heart, like I was, but also her career. However, I felt certain I could fix that if the board tried to take her license.
“Okay.”
I looked deep into her eyes, wanting to see commitment to this plan. I could still see her fear, but I also saw that she cared for me and wanted what I wanted.
“Come on. Let’s have some wine, and then I can give you a tour of my place.”
She didn’t hesitate when I took her hand and led her to the kitchen area.
“This is a wonderful loft,” she said as I pulled out an expensive bottle of wine and poured us both a glass.
“Thank you. I prefer to have open space. Not so many places for something to hide.”
Most people would find the comment odd, but Grace, having worked with people like me, would understand it. I needed to assess and know the area I was in everywhere I went, so I could be ready if something went wrong.
I did have some barriers dividing the bedrooms and baths, but the rest was completely open.
She squeezed my hand telling me she knew what I was saying.
“Look at this,” I said, pulling her with me. “This is some art I bought while abroad, just before I was sent home.”
“It’s lovely,” she said, studying the vibrant colors of the art piece depicting a middle eastern village.
Her gaze wandered to my bookcase where I had a few photographs.
She grinned. “Is this you?”
I felt my cheeks heat. “Yes. That was our last family portrait. I was twelve, there.” After that, Dad started pushing Chase, and then me, to learn the business.
“God, you were a heartbreaker then, too.”
I laughed. “I hadn’t discovered girls quite yet.”
“Your mom was beautiful,” she said.
I felt a little blip in my heart. It had been a while since I’d really thought about my mom. Her and her death had been another thing I’d tried to block out. Her loss had been difficult. She’d been my tether to the family, to life, and when she died, I lost myself. I shook my head, wondering where all this fucking insight was coming from until I looked at Grace and realized it was from her. Not from her counseling. There was something about her that was opening parts of me that I’d closed off.
“This is a group of my buddies in the military,” I said when her eyes came upon another picture. “I just put that out.”
Her eyes were questioning as she turned to look at me.
I shrugged. “They were all packed up. Even the family ones, until recently. I didn’t want to be reminded of the loss, you know?”
She nodded and pressed her hand over my chest. “I know.”
“All of a sudden, it felt like it was disrespectful to hide them away. Their loss crushed me, but in their lives, they gave me so much. Hiding them away because I couldn’t face my grief was a pussy thing to do.”
“No.”
“It was. I was afraid of the feelings…the triggers.”
“And now?”
“Now I honor them and their contributions to my life and this world.”
Her smile was so sweet, and I swore I saw emotion in her eyes. Could it be love? How the fuck did I know? I only knew she felt something for me.
Her hands wrapped around my neck and pulled me to her. Her lips were soft and warm as they glided over mine. It was the first time she’d initiated contact between us, and my heart did flips in my chest.
