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“Hunter.” Her voice was soft and gentle. I opened my eyes to look at her. “The first thing you’ll need to do to manage the dreams is to learn to forgive yourself for crimes you never committed.”
“I don’t know how.”
“I can find someone who can help.”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t want to do all this with someone else.”
She surprised me by standing and coming to sit next to me. “It can’t be me.”
“It’s you or no one, Doc. I’ve already told you.” I began to realize that maybe the rope in my dream was Grace. She was my lifeline. And yet, in the dream she told me to let go. Was that what I was supposed to do now? Let go of her? Fuck that.
She sighed. “I can’t be your therapist, Hunter, but I can be your friend. Just a friend.”
I didn’t like that.
“If you’ll follow through on professional help, we can see each other, but only platonically.”
I hated that I’d told her so much. She’d been attracted to me at the start of this session, and now she only wanted to be friends. Now she knew I was a failure. That I’d been responsible for my sister-in-law losing her child. She said all the right things a therapist should say about it, but I knew it had to repulse her.
“Just friends,” I said, the words feeling like sandpaper in my mouth.
“Yes.”
“Fine.” I wasn’t sure why I was agreeing, except that I was such a pussy that I was willing to take whatever crumbs she was willing to give me. I still had my hand if I needed to take care of my dick’s urges. One thing was for damn sure, being around her did have a calming effect. Deep down, I did want peace and happiness, and she was the only person I thought could help me get both.
“Good.”
“What does that even mean?” I asked. I had friends, sort of, but they were men. Did Grace play basketball? Go drinking on the weekends?
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“What do we do as friends? I get the no fucking part.”
“We do platonic things. What do you like to do?”
I shrugged, holding back my answer of “fuck.”
“Movies? Walks?” she asked.
“I work out.”
She smiled. “Me too. I run. What about you?”
“I run sometimes,” I said, beginning to think it might be nice to have a friend, although I couldn’t imagine hanging out with Grace and not wanting to fuck her.
“I tell you what. Let me plan our first outing.”
“Sure.”
“But remember, you have to follow through on the counseling. I’ll set that up too.”
My stomach felt sick, but I nodded.
“Actually,” she said looking at her watch. “Let’s start now.”
“Now?” I checked my watch. It had felt like we’d been there forever, but in fact, it was only thirty-five minutes.
“If we hurry, we can make it.” She stood and grabbed her bag.
I was never big on spontaneity, even less so after being in Iraq, but I’d agreed to her terms and I had the time.
I rose. “Where to?”
“We’ll need a car,” she said as she headed out the door.
“I’ll have my driver meet us.”
As we reached the elevator, Yvonne approached us. “Mr. Raven, I have a message for you. I was just bringing it down.”
I frowned because I’d told her I wasn’t to be interrupted when I was with Grace. I took the message. “Thank you. I’m going out for the rest of the day.”
The elevator door opened, and Grace stepped in.
Yvonne looked at Grace and then me. God knew what she was thinking, but since my personal life or mental health wasn’t any of her business, I didn’t say anything as I got into the elevator.
My driver met us on the street, and we rode through the city until we pulled up in front of the Veterans Administration Building. My stomach turned.
“What are we doing here?” I asked as we got out of the car.
“There is a group starting in about ten minutes. You should go to it.”
I was shaking my head before her words finished. “No. I agreed to see you.”
“But now things have changed. And I think a group will be helpful to you.”
“I can’t go to a group.” Jesus, it had been hard enough to tell her the tiny bits that I had. There was no way I’d be able to tell a group of people.
“Why not?” She asked.
I knew this was going to sound conceited but I said, “Because I’m Hunter Raven.”
Her eyes narrowed. “And I’m Grace Reynolds. So what?”
Why had I thought that her ability to challenge me was so attractive before? “I can’t be seen in a place like this. It could hurt the reputation of Raven Industries.” I could only imagine what my father would think if he knew I was confessing that I, a warrior, was having nightmares like some pussy.
