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A smile glimmered in his eyes, then it faded. ‘I can’t ever make it right.’
Was he always going to punish himself for that? ‘You were young, and it wasn’t a fair secret you’d been asked to keep.’
‘There’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have told my girlfriend.’
‘You should have been able to trust her. It’s good to be able to talk to the people you love. To share your burdens... She was in the wrong. Not you.’
And he’d been paying for that mistake ever since. That was why he did everything his brother asked of him. Why he didn’t push for more freedom. He didn’t think he deserved it. He felt he owed.
‘He is the loneliest person, and there is so little I can do to help him.’ Eduardo lifted his head and looked directly into her eyes. ‘Why did you leave? You want to leave San Felipe for good?’
‘Not San Felipe.’ She gazed up at him, her heart melting, and yet now the moment was here she was more scared than ever in her life before.
‘Me,’ he said heavily. ‘You don’t want the baby to end up like me.’
‘No...’ she whispered, shocked that he’d ever think that. ‘I thought I needed—’
‘You need—’ Eduardo interrupted, then pulled up short. For a second that old arrogance flashed over his face. But then it faded. ‘I don’t want to fight this any more, Stella. I surrender.’
She stared for a moment. ‘Surrender what?’ She suddenly lost the battle to contain her emotions. ‘Our marriage? What you want for the baby?’ Had he given up on her already?
‘No. Neither of those things. Or both of them, if that’s what you want.’ He stopped and shrugged. ‘The decision is yours, Stella. Our future is in your hands.’
‘What?’ The faintest whisper.
His hands gripped her cold ones. ‘I was so angry when I found out you were pregnant. Because you hadn’t told me. You hadn’t come to me. You were just going to walk away and not let me have any kind of say—’
‘I hadn’t even had a chance to think about what I was going to do,’ she interrupted.
‘I know that now, but back then I’d made my plan and I thought it was perfect. I thought I could control what was between us—lust. Controllable. Finite. It always has been before. And I thought I could control you. The palace officials wanted either Antonio or me to marry—but it was always going to be me. This way I got to present them with a fait accompli before they started parading prospective brides in front of me. My woman, with an heir already on the way and an end in sight when we’d had enough. I thought I’d risen above that anger and turned the situation to my advantage. The perfect solution.’
He squeezed her hands gently.
‘But I hadn’t thought through the impact of any of it on you. I hadn’t thought about your needs at all. I was so arrogant. What woman wouldn’t want to be my Princess, right? What an honour...what an amazing lifestyle... And a fat pay-off waiting for her at the end as long as she kept quiet and obedient. I thought I was doing you the biggest favour and that you should be grateful.’ He grimaced. ‘I was an asshole. I’m sorry.’
‘I did want to be your Princess,’ she said quietly. ‘I liked it.’
‘But it’s not what you wanted.’ He looked down. ‘I’m not what you wanted.’
‘I slept with you within ten seconds of meeting you,’ she reminded him with a wry smile. ‘How can you say you’re not what I wanted?’
His lips twisted, but it was a sad-edged smile. ‘Lust.’
‘Uncontrollable,’ she whispered bravely. ‘Infinite.’
‘Stella—’ He lifted one hand to cup her jaw.
‘It was a good plan.’ She overrode him, speaking quickly, because she needed to have her say before he said something that would stop her. She feared his pity more than anything. ‘In some ways it was the only possible plan.’
‘But you left.’
Again. Now she knew she’d hurt him. And if she had the power to hurt him that was because he cared. Hope, and a cautious confidence, began to flow.
‘You were right. Your title can give this baby so much—how could I deny it all those benefits? Those rights? And you were right in saying that I could give the child love...but I’d always lacked love. Or I thought I had. And that was the real problem. So the truth...?’ She swallowed. ‘This pregnancy was my excuse for running. All this time I was deluding myself that all that mattered was the baby...that I was putting the baby first... Really it was all about me. I left because I was a coward. I couldn’t bear to be with you—’
