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‘You don’t have to—’
‘Don’t even go there. I’m seeing you right in.’
‘Where does the chivalry come from, Jared?’ She didn’t want him feeling like he ‘had to’ just because a situation had flared up between them that had got out of control. He was feeling bad because he’d just slept with her. Taken her precious virginity and not realised until it was too late. Was worried he’d hurt her.
What hurt was knowing that it had been so incredible with him and that it wouldn’t be like that with anyone else. She’d tried already—so many times. Kissing every Tom, Dick and Harry and never going a step further because there was nothing in it. Earning herself a reputation as a frigid prick tease. But she’d never come close to feeling a thing with any of them, certainly not the thrilling wildness that she’d just experienced.
What hurt more was the terrifying confirmation that she wasn’t over him—and the realisation that she wasn’t ever going to be. No one could make her feel the way Jared just had. She wouldn’t ever want another.
But he didn’t want her.
Who got to have a first time like the one she’d just had? Yes, it had hurt, but then he’d been so careful, building her up again so slowly until she’d forgotten the pain and could only focus on the incredible sensation of having him inside her like that. The way he moved, had taught her to move—so easily, so amazing that she wanted more. Even right now she wanted more. She wanted him to take her in his arms and tell her he’d never experienced anything like that either and then take her straight to bed and do it all over again.
It had been spontaneous quickie sex on the sofa in his office and they hadn’t even been naked. What could it be like between them if they had a bed and a whole night ahead of them? And if they weren’t arguing?
She longed to find out. But with the man of steel striding beside her she knew she had no hope of it ever happening.
The main door to her building was unlocked. It wasn’t supposed to be. Anyone could walk in. She led the way up the stairs to her own room. Not looking to see his reaction as they passed the closed, locked doors of the other residences of the letting house. He said nothing until she’d unlocked her door. She wanted him to go but she didn’t have the energy to fight him. Really she just wanted to get into a shower and cry.
‘I’ll see you right in.’
The mail was on the floor as they walked in. She crouched and picked it up, recognising the logo of the nursing home on the top envelope. The reality of what she’d just done hit her. How could she have forgotten?
Not even the ad agency woes were anything on this.
‘I thought you flatted with some friends or something.’ Jared’s frown had grown exponentially.
‘No. I just have a room here.’
‘Why?’
Because she couldn’t afford anything more. Because she didn’t have any friends here other than the ones she’d made at work.
‘I like it,’ she lied.
He was staring hard at her but she hardly noticed, too busy trying to see through the envelope from the nursing home. Was it a bill? The cost of the new medication for Grandfather was huge but she’d been desperate for him to try it—anything to slow down the deterioration of what had once been such a marvellous mind.
She forced herself to grow some dignity. She had to retrieve this situation.
‘I don’t regret what just happened, Jared,’ she said shakily. ‘But I’m sorry things were so out of control. I’m sorry I was so out of control.’ She made herself look him in the eye. ‘I never should have yelled at you. It was extremely unprofessional of me.’
She clutched the envelopes tighter in her hand to stop the rustling sound. ‘I hope this won’t affect our business relationship.’
For a moment he didn’t move, just looked at her hands, looked around her room once more.
‘I’ll be in touch,’ he said at last. Brief. Promising nothing. Then he turned. He couldn’t get away fast enough.
Amanda locked the door behind him. Once she’d thought she could never be more humiliated than that night of her sixteenth birthday. Now she knew different. Funny how this time there were no witnesses. Last time she’d had Polly and her grandfather to see how he’d rejected her and then add to it. This time it was just her and Jared. And while she knew he had the power to make her happier than anyone on this earth, he also had the power to make her suffer as no one else could.
He never should have touched her. Never should have put a finger on her. Hadn’t he known the danger?
Hell. He just hadn’t realised quite the danger. He slammed his car door shut; no way was he going back to work either. He drove and kept driving ’til he was out of the city and heading north towards the beaches as he was forced to revisit everything he knew—or thought he knew—about Amanda Winchester.
