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“I’ve been thinking about it a lot, too. I want a wait a bit longer, but I can tell that Carl and Richie are ready. I know once I get pregnant, they’re not going to let me work so hard. They’re going to want to cater to me, and I don’t know if my sanity can handle that. I’m going to be turning twenty-three. There’s still time, but when I look at those two tiny babies, my God, it makes a woman dream.” Juliet smiled and held the cloth to her chest.
“Excuse me, Ava.”
Ava turned around and looked up to see Jeremiah standing there. Her heart pounded inside of her chest as she looked around, hoping that Colton and Evan wouldn’t arrive at the dance hall. She wasn’t certain what their response might be.
“Hello, Jeremiah,” she said and then looked at Juliet, who excused herself to take care of a few new patrons who were looking to order drinks.
Ava turned in her seat as Jeremiah took the empty stool next to her and sat.
“How are you feeling?” he asked her. Ava stared up into the older man’s eyes, realizing now, after the fact, why they seemed so familiar in the past. His sons’ shared similar green color, but Jeremiah’s looked dull and sad.
“I’m feeling great, thank you for asking. Uhm, I’m not sure it’s such a good idea that you came over here. Your sons…”
“Hate me.” He finished the sentence for her as he looked down at his hands and took a deep breath.
She felt terrible. Jeremiah had been nothing but nice and caring, volunteering at the hospital and always friendly here at Dixie Chix. It was obvious that he wasn’t the same man of twenty years ago. But who was she to judge or evaluate a situation that Colton made clear was none of her business?
“I’m sorry that we couldn’t have a conversation before Colton and Evan arrived. I wanted to be the one to share with you that I’m their father. You see, I saw them taking an interest in you, here at Dixie Chix. I saw the way their eyes lit when you entered the room or as they sought you out then found you in the crowd.” He looked really sad when he described his observations and she wondered why.
“I know you tried to push them away, so that you could deal with having cancer on your own. You’re very brave and very strong. If I had a right to choose a woman for my sons, it would be you, Ava. I’ve learned a lot over the years. I learned that love can come in multitudes when people really care and are honest.”
“Why are you telling me this, Jeremiah? I don’t know what happened between you and your sons. They refuse to talk about it and our relationship is new and was under an enormous amount of stress at the start of it. I don’t want to upset them more and I’m afraid they’ll come here and get all worked up because you’re speaking with me.”
“I want to talk to them, Ava. I want to explain why I acted the way I did back then. I want them to know that I love them and that I loved their mother, but…well, there aren’t any excuses to condone my behavior. I found out things weren’t as they seemed only days before my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I discovered things that truly destroyed me inside. I loved their mother dearly.”
Ava swallowed hard then looked around, taking special notice to the front entrance. Evan and Colton might show up soon. It was getting pretty loud in there, and Jeremiah had to move closer so she could hear him and not yell.
“What went wrong? What makes you think that by explaining things now, it will make it right for Colton and Evan? From the bits and pieces they shared, they mentioned you being drunk, never coming home, and leaving them to handle the care for their mother.”
She stared up into his eyes and could see the pain her words inflicted, but what possible excuse could he have for making his teenage sons care for their dying mother?
“I loved her, Ava, but she didn’t love me.”
Ava felt her chest tighten as she stared at him in shock. He immediately continued.
“Alicia was cheating on me and the boys.”
“What?”
“You see, after we had Colton and Evan, we started drifting apart. I was always out working and she wanted more. She wanted things I just couldn’t provide for her by owning and operating a small ranch. To make a long story short, a few days before she was diagnosed, I found out that she was cheating on me and had been for over a year’s time.”
“Oh God, Jeremiah.”
He took a deep breath. “I confronted her and she continued to see him. I told her that her sons were so important and that the family was more important than some guy who could give her material things. We fought and argued and I told her that I loved her no matter what and that we could work it out. I was even willing to go to one of those counselors for marriage or whatever, but she refused.”
The crowd was getting louder and it was becoming difficult to hear Jeremiah’s story.
“Let’s walk out back. It will be quieter back there,” Ava said, and they headed away from the bar. She told Juliet where she was going. They walked down the hallway and to the back parking lot. Susanna had placed a few chairs outside for when the staff took their breaks. They stood by the railing that led to the steps, and she watched him hang his head and hold on to the bar.
“I remember that night, coming home from work and wondering if she would be there or if she was out with him. The boys were at a friend’s house down the road and there Alicia was, sitting at the kitchen table, crying. She told me that she went to the doct
or. She told me what the doctor said and she was playing with this fancy gold bracelet on her wrist, twirling it around, just staring at it.”
“That must have been terrible. I know exactly how that feels,” Ava said with tears in her eyes.
“At first I cared. I even asked for all the details and what should we do next, and she tells me to do nothing. She said, Aaron, Aaron was the fucker’s name, was going to take care of her. I blew my stack. I called her every damn name in the book. And then I begged her to stay in the house and to spend her last days with her sons. She told me that she didn’t love me and that she would only stay there if I wasn’t around.”
“Jesus, Jeremiah, that’s so horrible. I couldn’t even imagine how you felt. Did you know who Aaron was? What was his part in this when Alicia told him about her diagnosis?”
