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River shakes his head. “Frannie tells me he’s the spitting image of you.”
I roll my eyes. “Great, that must drive Ryley crazy.”
“There are worse things in life.” He’s right, too. He takes his leave and I follow soon after. I half expect Ryley to be gone when I return, but she’s still sitting there chatting with Frannie. I use this moment to fully appraise her. Everything about her is the same as I remember, yet different. She’s more refined. More woman and less girl. I hate that I missed all the changes she went through and even standing here and thinking about the days… years that I missed, I want to hurt someone.
Ryley glances up and catches me staring. I smile and turn away bashfully but keep my eyes on her. The draw I feel toward her is still there. She’s pulling me by a string and before I know it, I’m sitting next to her again.
“What’d I miss?” I ask nonchalantly, acting as if this is the norm for us, the four of us sitting around a table and drinking beer while River and I discuss our workday – sans important details, of course.
“We were just talking about dinner,” Ryley says, catching my eye.
“Yeah, the mess hall is definitely not on my list of places to visit tonight.”
She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. “I thought maybe you’d come over in a half hour, have dinner with us. We can talk to EJ, together.” Her voice is so small, but forceful. She has no idea that her words slice through my gut even though they’re the most joyous words I’ve heard all week.
“You and EJ?” It’s a dumb question, but I need confirmation that my brother isn’t home yet. I’m not ready to see him.
“Yes, plus my parents. They missed you, and my dad wants to see you.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep my emotions in check. I nod, unable to find the words to express how grateful I am right now. Her father, he stepped up after my dad died. He made me feel like a son and welcomed me into his family with open arms.
“I’d love to.”
My car idles in front of the house Ryley and I used to share. The lawn is in need of cutting, and it makes me wonder if she does it or if she pays someone to come by. I suppose Nate takes care of it, but what if he’s not here? Who helps her? Not that she needs help. Ryley is one of the most independent, fiercely loyal and dedicated people I know. Aside from my ‘death,’ I don’t think there’s anything she can’t handle.
A knock on my window startles me. Ryley is bent over with her hands on her bare knees. She’s no longer wearing a dress, but is now in cut-off jeans and a t-shirt. Her gorgeous, red hair is piled high in what she used to call her study bun. I press down on the lever, lowering my window. She crouches down, resting her arms where the window was.
“You okay?”
My eyes meet hers, making me smile. She doesn’t have a clue what her words are doing to me today, but I need to find a way to tell her.
“I’m pretty nervous.”
Ryley chuckles, and I smile again. It feels damn good to smile with a purpose. “Worse than first date nervous?”
“No, having a first date with you was the easiest thing I ever did.” I run my hand down my leg. “I don’t know how to answer some of the questions, or how I’m supposed to feel. They thought I was dead and I… “
“Listen, my parents love you, and they’re concerned. You know Mo
m is going to start an investigation into this, and I can promise you that they won’t talk about it tonight.”
I nod and the question that has been plaguing me since earlier in the bar comes to mind. “Why are you doing this?”
Ryley moves away from my car slightly, before clearing her throat. “Today, in therapy, she reminded me that this isn’t your fault. You didn’t choose to be gone or have them tell us you’re dead. You have a right to know EJ, just as he has a right to know his dad, but he thinks Nate is his dad, and I’m not sure how to tell him otherwise.”
The sound of Nate’s name being mentioned turns my insides, but I get it. I understand. At least, I think I do.
“I want to know my son, Ryley. I want to be his dad.”
Tears glisten in her eyes. “I know, Evan. I want that too.”
I look briefly at the house and pull the handle to open the door. Ryley backs away, allowing me to get out. We walk side by side for the first time in years back into our house, each step bringing me closer to the inevitable.
As soon as the door opens, laughter starts to fill the void in my heart. The living room is exactly the way I remember it, but now an American flag sits on top of the mantle next to my picture and my medals. A normal person would go over and look at them, but I don’t care. They’re tainted.
“I didn’t change much after you… the couch is new, but the same. I had someone rebuild it for me because I couldn’t part with it.”
“It’s just a couch, Ry.”
