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Jack nodded. Saying it out loud had broken the spell. ‘I’ll see you for supper then. Tomorrow.’
‘Yes.’ She stood up, bending to kiss his cheek. That, somehow, seemed the most damning thing of all. That she still wanted him, maybe even loved him a little, but there was a gap between them which neither of them could bridge.
* * *
He didn’t see her again until the following evening. She arrived home late, her face expressionless, and sat down with him in the lounge. Separate chairs, the way they always did, even if there would be no one to see if they curled up together on the sofa. It seemed almost normal, and strangely comforting after having brooded over the possibility that Cass might do what they’d agreed to do all along and take it into her head to call time on their relationship.
‘How are things?’
‘Fine. Good, actually. The electrician reckons it’s safe to restore part of the power supply now, and that means I can get heaters in there to help dry the ground floor out a bit. The motorway’s open again.’
One by one, the things that kept her here were disappearing. It was only a matter of time...
‘I’m going to move back in.’
Jack swallowed. ‘Already?’
‘It’s easier for me to be there. As long as I have somewhere to sleep, they’re still doing lunches and an evening meal up at the church hall.’ She pressed her lips together. Clearly she didn’t want to talk about it.
‘You have somewhere to sleep here.’ His bed. In his arms.
‘I know.’ She sighed. ‘But...’
Jack could feel it all slipping away. Protected by secrecy and the four walls of his bedroom, their love affair had blossomed, but as soon as they took it outside that, into the real world, it seemed unbearably fragile.
But maybe, with a little care, it could survive. ‘Will you come out with me? One evening. A meal, perhaps.’
She blinked at him. ‘You’re asking me out on a date?’
‘Yeah. I am. Sarah will look after Ellie...’
‘I don’t think that’s a very good idea.’
‘Why not?’ Okay, so he knew the reasons. Had struggled with the reasons, and Jack still wasn’t sure that they weren’t valid ones. But surely Cass could give it a try?
‘Because...’ She stared at him for a moment, her gaze searching his face. ‘Because there’s no future in it, Jack. I know what it’s like to want a child so badly that your whole life seems shattered every time your body tells you that you’re not pregnant. I can’t go through that again.’
‘I’m not asking you to. All I’m asking is that we give it a little time. Find a way to work things out.’
She shook her head, her face suddenly impassive. ‘No. That would be too cruel.’
She got to her feet, leaving the room without even looking at him and closing the door behind her in a clear sign that he wasn’t to follow her. He heard her soft footsteps on the stairs and the sound of her bedroom door close. Then silence.
Jack stared into the gathering gloom, which had once been a thrilling first hint of the darkness ahead. Now all he could feel was anger. He’d risked everything for Cass, his own heart, and Ellie’s. He’d trusted her enough to try to let her into his life but she was still too fearful to even make the effort, and now she was going to leave him.
Maybe she was right and it would never have worked out. And, if that was the case, then he needed to think of Ellie. He needed to protect her.
He sat for a long time, brooding into the darkness, then slumped round on the sofa, fatigue taking over from the what-ifs that were filling his mind. No point in going up to bed. He knew that Cass wouldn’t be coming.
* * *
Cass was up and packed before there was any sound from Ellie’s bedroom. By the time she heard the tinkle of wind chimes heralding the fact that the little girl was awake, she was sitting on the bed in the spare room, staring at the wall.
It was all for the best. This had never been anything other than something temporary, something that couldn’t touch their real lives. It had been three weeks since their first night together. Just about the duration of a holiday romance.
The sounds of Jack and Ellie in the bathroom. The smell of breakfast. Everyday things, now tainted with sadness. She waited until she heard Ellie running around in the sitting room, ready to jump on the new day with her customary glee, and went downstairs.
Jack was drowsy and tight-lipped. He closed the kitchen door and turned to her, his face unreadable.
