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Getting up, I pour myself a shot of tequila, down it. Pour another.
I have to resist the urge to take the tequila bottle to the sofa with me. Drinking home alone is a sure sign I’m turning into my mother, and no. No way. I’m not her.
I take the bottle with me anyway.
***
“’M, h’llo?” No sound comes from my cell, so I pull it away and stare at it uncomprehendingly. Then I remember to thumb the “connect call” icon and put it back to my ear as I roll onto my back on the bed. “Who is it?”
“Morning, baby. Don’t you know your mom’s voice anymore?”
Crap. “Hi, Mom.”
It’s only been, like, two months since last time we talked. My head thumps in time to my heartbeat and my stomach churns.
Tequila hangover sucks.
“You sound rough. Long night out?” She’s way too chipper for this early in the morning. Then I see the time on my nightstand clock and hiss.
Yeah, not so early after all. Midday.
“Nah, I stayed in.”
“You sick, Cassie?”
“No.” I lick my dry lips. My mouth tastes awful. “Just stupid.”
“Tell me what happened.”
And I shouldn’t. Not only because she won’t get it, and I don’t even know how to put it into words, but mostly because I don’t trust her to understand. Not anymore.
But last night I felt alone in the world, and she’s my mom, and she’s asking how I am. Plus, I’m hungover to hell, and my eyes burn.
“It’s this boy, and he doesn’t want me,” I say, my voice catching, and dear God, am I going to cry like a two-year-old because I can’t have what I want? A guy, at that. “I mean
, he’s nice to me, and I really, really like him so much, but he keeps me at a distance, and I’ve never…”
Never wanted to be close to anyone so badly before.
Christ.
“He’s distant with you? Giving you the cold shoulder?”
“No. I mean yes, but he’s like that with everyone.” It’s just that I hoped with me he’d be different. “We’re friends.” Of sorts. “We go out sometimes for drinks with his friends, but never alone, and I think… I think he’s not okay.”
“Not okay in the head,” she huffs. “Why are you hanging around a man who doesn’t make the effort to conquer you? I don’t understand. You’re not the brightest bulb on the porch, but I thought I taught you at least this much.”
Oh God. My stomach twists. I knew this was a mistake. “Mom…”
“No, listen to me. Men are freaking stupid. They don’t know what they want. You got to go out there and show them what they’re missing. Show this boy how good you can make him feel, and he’ll come around.”
Yeah. See where I get my love life advice and my fake confidence from?
“Don’t think that’s a good idea with Shane.”
“Shane, huh? Maybe he’s just shy. Doesn’t he look at you? Stare when he thinks you’re not paying attention?”
He does. I think. Maybe.
