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No, no, no, I thought to myself and tried to stop the panic that was rising within me. You’re not in love with him. Jesus, you guys just had sex and there’s an increase in your body’s oxytocin. It’s endorphins. You are not in love with Logan.
“What about you?” I asked softly, dying to have the focus taken away from me because I couldn’t handle the intense look he was giving me or the way his hand stilled on my back at the mention of the word love.
“I want peace,” Logan said as he glanced out the window. Moonlight shone in the room and I was taken aback by how handsome he looked. Rugged with the scruff on his face and his unkempt hair,
“Peace?” I asked, not oblivious to the fact that peace was exactly what I’d wanted before.
“Peace. Not with my job, I love what I do. I could never give it up. But..” he trailed off and gave me a narrow eyed look. “Do not give me any shit for this. I want inner peace. My parents are constantly giving me a hard time. I’m never doing the right thing. I’m struggling with my RA and I feel restless about the fact that there’s nothing I can do about it. I guess I just want a little peace and quiet. Everything’s always so… noisy. Make sense?”
I couldn’t even begin to explain how much sense it made. My heart ached because it felt such a strong connection to Logan’s. He wanted peace within himself and I thought it was brave that he was willing to admit such a thing where I spent years hiding it away. But there he was, knowing what he wanted and saying it aloud.
He wanted peace.
I wanted love.
Was there any possible way we could find that within each other?
“I-” I was cut off by the sudden banging on the door.
He was immediately on alert and sat up, wincing as pain pulsed through his shoulder. I glared, realizing why he’d wanted me to ride him tonight. Logan hadn’t verbally told me that he was sore, but I had a feeling his RA was acting up when he wanted me to take the lead.
“It’s the middle of the night,” I whispered and hopped out of bed, wrapping the sheet around myself.
“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” Logan muttered and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. I hated how stiff his arms looked as he pulled on a sweatshirt and left it unzipped. “I could tell you to stay here, but I know you won’t listen.”
I couldn’t help but smile. At least he knew me well enough to know that I was too nosy for my own good. “Let’s go then.” I laced our fingers together and let him take the lead, walking us downstairs as the pounding continued.
He put a hand up, silently telling me to stay put as he moved toward the door. After looking through the peephole, he threw the door open to reveal Ronald standing on the other side looking exhausted. His face was pinched and tense, lines appearing between his furrowed eyebrows as his hulking frame took up the entire door frame.
“It’s the middle of the night,” Logan said through gritted teeth.
“Thanks, I couldn’t tell,” Ronald responded without an ounce of humor before brushing past Logan and walking into the living room. He gave me a slight nod. “Juliette.”
“It’s nice to see you again.”
“I wish I was here under better circumstances.” was his response as he turned in a circle. “Where are the damn lights in this place?”
Silently, Logan walked across the room and flipped the switches, lighting up the living room and kitchen before turning and crossing his arms over his bare chest. His gaze was wary as he eyed his friend. “What’s up?”
Ronald inhaled through his nose, nostrils flaring before he cleared his throat. “Nicole’s gone.”
Everything stopped.
Time, my heartbeat, everything. It all just stopped at Ronald’s admission. How could Nicole be gone? We’d seen her, what? A week ago? Maybe even less, I couldn’t remember. I also couldn’t remember how to speak as my mouth formed an “o” shape and I looked between the men in front of me. The air was quickly becoming thick with tension and uncertainty, and I didn’t know which was worse.
“What the fuck do you mean?” Logan’s voice was low and he was completely still, his mouth a thin line as his eyes narrowed.
Ronald scrubbed a hand over his face and then sat down on the couch. “Around eleven thirty pm, Nicole put a call into the police. She said that she needed help, that her boyfriend was beating her up. She sounded pretty fucked up, man. High. Scared. I could barely understand her because she was so hysterical. I arrived at the same time as another squad car, but the house was empty when we got there. All the lights were on, there was hot food on the stove, but she wasn’t in the house. She was gone. No note. But…”
“But what, Ron?”
He took a deep breath before continuing. “There was blood, Logan. A lot of blood. On the walls, the floor. There was a bloody knife in the bathroom with bloody rags in the sink. His car’s gone and so are some of his clothes. There isn’t even any sign that Nicole was staying there other than a negative pregnancy test in the trash. We put an APB out on Conlon, but so far there’s been no sign of him.”
Logan was pale as he sat down on the edge of the couch, elbows on his knees as he rested his head in his hands. I knew there was nothing I could do, nothing I could say that would make the situation any better. So I said nothing at all, standing on the stairs, watching as both men stared down at the ground. Logan was so still that I wasn’t sure if he was even breathing.
He would blame himself for not getting her out of town the day we saw her. I knew it, could feel the guilt that was sliding through him. But maybe it was going through me, too. I’d been harsh, not as understanding as I should have been considering I had no way of knowing what Nicole was going through. But how were we supposed to know that this was going to happen?
“You think she’s dead?” Logan’s voice was muffled in his hands.
