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It was stressful, to say the least.
It didn’t help that both Rose and Violet were on top of me fishing for information about what had gone on between me and Logan. Violet saw the hickies on my neck- I’d texted Logan that night and told him that if he was going to leave a mark on me then it couldn’t be in a place where people could see. He’d replied with some very, ahem, creative alternatives- and all bets were off.
“We slept together!” I finally shouted as the three of us walked some of the dogs along the path. The trees arched over us, snow capped and beautiful as my breath came out in small clouds. It was cold and I knew the tip of my nose was red, but I took a moment to enjoy the simple beauty of it all.
“I knew it!” Violet shouted and pumped her fist in the air.
Rose rolled her eyes. “And? Was it a one time thing, or…”
“I don’t really know. Things are kind of difficult right now and we’re playing it by ear. We haven’t done anything since then, but things have been such a shit show here and I’ve worked late the last two nights. He’s been busy with work.”
“Working on busting that creepy bastard that cornered you in your office?”
I nodded my head. “Yep. There’s been a small hitch in that plan, but he’s figuring it out.”
I kept on walking and when I didn’t hear the crunch of snow under boots I turned, seeing the two of them standing still and just watching me. “What?”
Violet took a step forward with trepidation in her eyes. “Juliette, we love you. So much. But… don’t you think you’re trusting him a little too much?”
My hackles instantly rose and I had to fight the urge to not lash out. I felt like I needed to protect Logan and what he stood for, even if Rose and Violet didn’t understand. I couldn’t very well tell them what he did for a living when his own family didn’t even know.
“No,” I finally said, my spine straight and my shoulders squared. “I don’t.”
Rose stepped forward, too. “Look, don’t get offended because we’re worried about you. We just don’t know this guy very well and we’re worried. We don’t want you to get wrapped up in him and then get yourself hurt. Or worse. I checked around and I haven’t heard great things about him.”
“Logan told you he’d never let anything happen to me.”
“I know that. But it doesn’t make me feel any better. I don’t know a fucking thing about this guy other than the fact that he dragged you into some sort of trouble and-”
“He didn’t drag me into anything. I could have walked away, but I didn’t. Look, I know you’re worried about me and I love having people that care about me as much as you. But you don’t know what’s going on.”
Violet rolled her eyes and piped in. “Yeah, we don’t know anything because you’ve virtually fallen off the face of the planet and started keeping secrets.”
I jerked back as though I’d been slapped. That was how they felt? I’d fallen off the face of the planet because, what? I’d gotten a social life? Granted, this wasn’t the kind of social life I’d imagined. But it was my life and I finally felt like it belonged to me. I wasn’t living to please everyone else. Everything that was going on with Conlon was scary and my feelings for Logan were confusing. But I’d finally taken ahold of my life and I wasn’t living for anyone else.
My adolescence was spent doing everything Gran wanted me to.
My college life was spent with my nose in a book.
Up until last month, my adult life was spent working and staying locked up in my house.
Not anymore. Not now that I’d gotten a taste of what it felt like to finally live. I appreciated my friends’ concern for me and I loved them for it, admired them for their ballsy behavior and their fearlessness when it came to saying what was on their minds. But I needed them to understand that this wasn’t about some mere crush. It was so much more than that. It was about caring for another human being and wanting to protect them, care for them. Outside of my grandmother, I never knew what it was like to care about someone like that. To want to put someone other than myself first.
But I understood it now, and I damn well wasn’t about to give it up.
“I’m sorry if I’ve been distant,” I finally said, speaking softly. “Just because I haven’t told you every little thing about what’s been going on in my life doesn’t make me a secret keeper, that’s a joke. I come to work every day, I do my damn job without any complaints. So don’t treat me like a pariah because I haven’t been spilling my guts about my personal life.”
Without waiting for a response, I turned on my heel and walked with my group of dogs back to the barn. I was angry, but more than that I was hurt. I felt like I’d been ganged up on by friends and it was a crappy feeling.
Looks like that storm showed up sooner than I thought, I mused silently as I trudged through the snow.
Chapter 12
M y bad mood bled into the next day as I waited for Logan to come get me. I was sitting on the couch, my knee bouncing with anxiety as I thought about what the day had in store for us.
Logan had finally gotten in contact with Nicole and she agreed to meet us in Boston. It took some convincing, but she’d finally relented after his reassurance that he wasn’t going to drag her to the airport and send her back to Florida.
I’d tossed and turned all night as I thought about what the Arden sisters had said to me. Their words kept flashing through my head as guilt seeped into my bones. Was I doing something wrong by continuing whatever this was with Logan? Was I wrong to want more than just to just work and die?
