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I shook my head. In fact I realized that I had absolutely zero fear that he would ever fail to back off if I ever wanted him to.
Jill shrugged. “Okay, so maybe you can’t see yourself settling down with him as Mrs. Demonic Lord, but the way I see it, what you have with Rhyzkahl is the ultimate fuckbuddy. Hot, gorgeous, respects your limits, and makes you feel good. Am I missing anything?”
I stared at her, then began to giggle. “Fuckbuddy. Holy shit.” I tried to picture myself explaining the concept to Rhyzkahl, which only made me laugh harder.
Jill grinned. “Exactly. So stop flailing around in puritanized guilt. If Ryan wants to be with you, then he needs to nut up and make a fucking move on you and fight for you.”
I managed to get my laughter under control. “But he hasn’t made a move, Jill,” I said. “Which means that he’s not interested.”
“Or he’s completely thickheaded.”
I snickered. “That’s always possible.”
“And what about you?” Jill said, fixing me with a piercing look.
“Um, what about me?”
“Have you made any sort of move on him?” she asked. “Have you made it clear to him that you’d like to try being more than BFFs?” The look on her face told me that she already knew my answer.
I grimaced and twisted the toe of my shoe onto the sidewalk. “Not exactly.”
She cleared her throat.
I sighed. “Okay, no. I haven’t.”
“Why not?”
I scowled. “Shit, Jill, because I’m scared to death that he’ll say he doesn’t want to be anything more than friends, and then things would be awkward and we wouldn’t even have that.”
She took me by the shoulders. “Yo, woman. It’s not the nineteenth century anymore. You can’t leave it all up to him.” She gave me a shake. “Besides, how do you know he’s not scared about the same thing?”
I regarded her sourly for several seconds. “I hate it when you make sense,” I finally grumbled. “Okay, fine. You’re right. I’m being stupid.” I groaned. “When did I turn into a needy whiny angsty idiot who needed to be swept off her feet?”
She snorted then started running again, forcing me into a brief sprint to catch up. “We’re conditioned from birth,” she said. “I swear to god, if I ever have a daughter I’ll ban all of the Disney princesses from the house. Except Mulan. She kicks ass.”
I laughed, then had to save my breath for running.
I hated to admit it, but the jogging did seem to clear my head a bit. Or maybe it was oxygen deprivation making it difficult for my brain to concentrate on the various things that were stressing me out. Like what I would do if Ryan ever did make some sort of move. Would I have the strength to keep Rhyzkahl at arm’s length if that ever happened? It wasn’t as if I could simply stop seeing him, not as long as I was oathbound to him. And even if I did shift my relationship with Rhyzkahl to a platonic one, I couldn’t see Ryan being willing to endure the fact that I had any contact with the demonic lord.
“I think you know way too much about me,” I complained after we made the turn to head back to the house. “Obviously, I whine about my life too much.”
She chuckled. “Or I’m simply a nosy bitch.”
“Yeah, well, I’m going to start doing the nosy bitch routine with you,” I gave her a mock glare. “You keep dropping these little snippets of enticing info.”
“I’m boring,” she insisted.
I rolled my eyes, and tried to resist the urge to actually be a nosy bitch. Jill had once revealed to me that she was a widow, but hadn’t said anything more other than that it had been a short marriage and a long story. I could respect that some memories could be painful, but it shamed me that I knew very little about her in general. What kind of friend was I? Did I spend too much time whining about my own issues?
Yes, I decided glumly. I was overly preoccupied with myself and my own problems.
“Well, are you seeing anyone?” I asked. “Hot dates? Cold dates?”
She shrugged, but there was a small smile on her face. “A date here and there. Nothing much.”
I’d been a detective long enough to know that she was hiding something from me. “Anyone I know?” I pressed.
She kept her eyes on the road and shrugged again. “Um, well it’s a small town, so anything’s possible.” She abruptly veered to the right to take a side street, forcing me to quicken my pace to catch up with her. “Let’s cut through here and run along the lakefront, okay?”
