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“Never mind,” Mark said quickly. “It was a dumb idea.”
“No, it’s not a dumb idea…it’s—”
“I mean, it should just be me alone out there anyway. I shouldn’t be celebrating Timothy’s death with a romantic cruise. What was I thinking?” He shook his head. He saw a glimpse of hurt cross her face. “This is why I should just be alone. Why I’m the last person on earth to try to settle down with.”
“Mark, that’s not—”
But Mark couldn’t let her explain. Wouldn’t. He didn’t want to hear the platitudes, the excuses. He was broken, and she saw that, and she didn’t want to be with him, not in the way he wanted to be with her.
“You don’t have to tell me anything. I get it.” He swiped his hand through his unruly hair. “It’s a good thing I’m never going to be a father again. I mean, I’m a mess.” He had hoped the joke would lighten the mood, but for some reason, Laura’s face darkened.
“Never be a father again? You’re sure?”
“Positive. I’m one walking screwup. And the last thing anybody needs is for me screwing up someone else’s life.”
The words seemed to hit Laura like a punch, but he wasn’t sure why. Why was she taking his self-bashing so personally? The warm Caribbean water pooled around their toes, but he hardly felt it. Somehow, he felt like their conversation was like quicksand—the more they fought, the deeper and more stuck they got.
“What did you want to talk to me about?”
“Nothing,” Laura said, curt, her feelings somehow hurt, though he didn’t understand why. She was the one who’d rejected him, not the other way around. Why was she upset?
“You sure?”
“Positive.” She crossed her arms angrily across her chest and stared out to the ocean. He knew that look and there’d be no talking to her now. Whatever it was she wanted to tell him would have to wait, he thought.
* * *
THE DAY OF the race, Mark woke on the couch feeling stiff. Since their disagreement on the beach, Laura had been cold and distant. He’d offered to sleep on the couch and she’d let him, and he was beginning to wonder what he’d said that was so bad. So offensive. She was the one who’d rejected him. So why was she acting like he’d rained on her parade?
They went about making breakfast silently, Laura calmly eating a cup of yogurt but not saying much to him. She’d been cold but polite, not ignoring him exactly, but not loving on him, either. Mark felt frustrated. He didn’t want their romance to end like this. He could only think it was because he’d mentioned he’d thought about suicide. That’s the only sticking point he could see.
“Time to go,” Mark said and Laura just nodded, a distant, empty look on her face. He hated that look. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and pull her into his arms and kiss the life out of her and make her his again, but he didn’t know how. He felt like he should apologize for something, but he had no idea what. Why was she angry after turning him down? Should he never have asked her to sail with him?
They drove in mostly silence to the dock, with Laura staring quietly out the window, hands in her lap. He wanted to know what she was thinking, but at the same time, he didn’t know how to ask. When they arrived, the parking lot was already crowded as he steered his truck into one of the few remaining spaces.
Sunshine greeted them outside as they made their way to the marina, where overnight, dozens of sailboats had loaded in for the start of the race.
Mark stood on the dock, checking out the competition, the marina crowded with sailboats as far as he could see. Beside him, Laura stood solemnly, dressed and ready for a day of racing. Garrett was already on board, getting the sailboat ready.
Mark recognized the faster boats: the Jetstream, St. Claire, Ciao Bella and, of course, Tanner. He squinted but didn’t see Dave or any of his crew. He wondered if Edward would be sailing today. The thought made his stomach tighten. Even if I don’t win, let me beat Edward.
Crowds of onlookers lined the marina, snaking up around the tall dunes near the beach. They were dotted with folding chairs and people making a day of it, watching the race while picnicking with their families. More onlookers sat in spectator boats, bobbing out in the sea. Thankfully, all the cruise ships were out to sea, and the sea was clear and calm. The swells weren’t too high yet, though the forecast said they could get as high as six feet. Mark hoped for Laura’s sake that the seas remained calm.
“You ready?” Mark asked her as he helped her aboard the sailboat.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said, still a little listlessly and not looking him in the eye. He hated that so much had gone wrong between them and he had no idea how to fix it.
