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Once, she and Kathe had shared confidences. They were friends, from the first days, when Ilse came to the pleasure house, and Kathe had tended her through her sickness and losing the child. She had remained her best friend throughout Ilse’s transformation from kitchen girl, to secretary, to the days when Ilse and Raul had become lovers. But Ilse and Raul’s plans had required a complete deception of the pleasure house and all their friends. That had included Kathe.
Time, and necessity, had worn away her honesty.
&nbs
p; Not quite trusting her voice, Ilse said, “Will you promise me something? Tell her … tell Kathe the truth. But only when it’s safe. Please.”
Raul drew her into a tighter embrace. “I promise. I will tell her the truth the moment I return to Tiralien. Speaking of messages, I have a confession to make…”
His voice went high and light, like a bird’s.
“What is wrong, then?” she asked, trying to keep the anxiety from her own voice, and failing.
He exhaled sharply, as if bracing himself for an unpleasant confession. “Do you remember a man named Alesso Valturri?” he said.
She was so intent on him and his moods that she missed the name at first, and its import. Then, “You know Alesso? He’s the one—”
“—who brought me word of your escape. I know. He also works for me.”
It took her several moments to comprehend what he said.
“You sent him to Osterling.”
“No. He was born there. I knew him through various reports. Lord Joannis and … others.”
Meaning his network of spies. Her first impulse was to rage at him. How dare he set spies upon her? Raul must have guessed her mood, because he loosened his embrace and drew back.
“I have no excuse,” he said. “None except worry about your safety. After Dedrick—”
Yes, Dedrick. She checked her first furious response. “I understand.”
He kissed her, lightly and tentatively. “I doubt it.”
She nearly did strike him then. “You—”
“Idiot,” he said immediately. “Idiot. Fool. An interfering creature who pretends omniscience, when he wants to hide how afraid he is.”
She wanted to laugh again, but her heart was at war with the rest of her nerves, and she could only clutch him tightly while she brought her emotions under a semblance of control.
“Who is he?” she whispered. “Who is he really?”
“Exactly what he seems, but more. He’s a kitchen boy and serving man in Andeliess’s pleasure house. He’s also a rebel who works for a collection of the disaffected in Fortezzien. He agreed to watch over you. Your safety, I mean. In return I promised to consider his cause if ever I gained more influence in Duenne’s Court.” He added, “He is a persuasive young man.”
Oh yes. Even when he did not mean to be. Which brought her to her own confession
“He drugged my wine,” Ilse said. “He kissed me. No, let me tell the truth. I kissed him. I’m sorry.”
“For what?” he asked. “For kissing Alesso? I would have kissed him, too, no doubt, if he had poisoned my wine. Do you love him?”
“No, but—”
“Do you want to bed him?”
“No,” she said, softer than before. “But what does it mean? For us?”
Raul took her hand and kissed her palm. “It means we are human, my love. Flawed and wandering in purpose at times. What else it means is your decision. I love you,” he added.
The knots inside her broke. “I love you.”
