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His heart in his gut, he paused at Matty’s door and swallowed hard. “Thank you, Mama,” he whispered. “I wish I would’ve taken your call sooner.”
“You’ll find her, Matteo. I know it.” Her voice was full of confidence. He wished he felt the same. “Now go get her.”
Ending the call, he strode into Matty’s room, his heart breaking even more when he saw his son curled up on his bed, clutching his favorite stuffed animal—a teddy bear Paige had given him—crying.
Matteo went to his son’s bed and sat, reaching out to smooth his hand over Matty’s back. “Don’t cry.”
“I want her, Daddy,” he said, his voice muffled against the teddy bear.
“I do too. And I’m going to go get her. Right now, so you must hurry and come with me so you can go stay with Aunt Stasia,” Matteo said.
Sniffing, Matty lifted his head, his puffed up face staring right at him. “You know where Paige is?”
Matteo nodded. “I think I do, but I need to go get her alone. So that means I’m going to take you to Stasia’s house and you can stay there.”
Matty nodded, his expression solemn. “I love Paige. I want her to be my mommy, but I don’t want her to leave like my real mommy did.”
Jesus. Matteo didn’t know if he could stand this any longer. “She’s not going to leave us, Matty. I’ll bring her back. I promise.”
He hoped like hell he could keep his promise to his son.
Chapter Fifteen
The New York Port Authority was huge. As in, Paige could get lost there very easily if she didn’t pay attention to where she was going. There were so many people and the place was drafty, making her wish she would’ve worn her winter coat. But like a fool she’d run out of Matteo’s place and left it hanging in the hall closet.
No way would she ask for it either, not even from Stasia or Claudia, though they could probably send it back to her. She would rather leave it there.
Like she left her heart.
Pressing her lips together, she studied the menu at one of the little cafés in the terminal, but nothing sounded good. She should probably get something in her stomach, but the bus didn’t leave for another two hours, so she still had plenty of time.
Too much time. To think, wander, worry and think some more. About Matty—how was he? Did he realize she was gone yet? Did Matteo explain what happened or was he lying to his son and claiming she only went out for a bit and would be back soon?
She hoped not. Prolonging the inevitable rarely worked and Matty didn’t deserve that. He’d dealt with enough abandonment at such an early age. Knowing that she’d abandoned him as well made her feel awful.
So she pushed the thought away. Compartmentalized it so she could deal later.
A muffled voice came over the intercom, announcing yet another bus departure, and she grimaced. It was hard to understand and so loud. Her head hurt, her eyes felt gritty, and more than anything, she wished she were in her bed. A warm blanket covering her, the air warm and still, an equally warm yet not-so-still man pressed next to her…
Stop it!
How was she ever going to get over him? She really wasn’t sure. It was definitely going to take time. She’d fallen in love with him, she couldn’t just shut off her feelings like a faucet or a light switch.
Sighing, she found an empty bench and sat, setting her duffle bag next to her. In an hour she would go force herself to eat. She needed to before she got on that bus. Maybe grab a latte or something to warm her bones and wake her up. If she were anywhere else, she’d close her eyes and take a nap. She was completely exhausted and the idea of riding a crappy bus for hours, days on end held little appeal.
Oh well. She’d done this to herself. Now she would have to live with her choices.
Why did that thought alone make her want to cry?
She watched as people walked by, hurrying to their destinations, all of them appearing as if they had a purpose. Somewhere to go, something to do. Whereas she was alone, with no purpose, nothing to call her own, and this time she did let the tears fall. One by one, they slid down her cheeks, dropping onto her sweater, but she didn’t care. Didn’t bother wiping them away either. She left her shame and her sadness and her utter devastation on display for all the Port Authority to see.
“Paige?”
Closing her eyes, she shook her head, a little laugh escaping her. Now she’d gone and done it. She was hearing his voice. As if he were really here with her. Great. She’d lost her freaking mind. Her parents would probably send her to extensive therapy or worse, lock her up in a mental institution the minute she arrived home.
She’d completely cracked.
