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Only it hadn’t been all bad. I’d used to pretend the picnic table in the backyard was a carriage, and I spent hours dressing up and pretending I was living in an Eloisa James book.
It was on the front porch I’d had my first kiss.
And it had been in my bedroom that I realized I was worth more than what life had offered me thus far. It was there when I started walking the walk, believing what I’d been telling myself all these years.
Although it had been in that bedroom I’d lost so much, too. It was tempting to say I’d lost everything, but I hadn’t. Not really. I’d found me.
I wandered out to the mailbox and among the various flotsam of bills and junk mail, I found a cream envelope, heavy paper. It was addressed to me in a lovely, flowing script.
Peeling the envelope open carefully, I saw it was a graduation announcement for Brant Edward Bowman. There was a handwritten note enclosed asking if I’d come.
I was thrilled and proud of Brant for working so hard. Of course I’d go. Except I saw that graduation day was the day I’d planned to launch Chubbalicious.
After everything that Brant had done for me, I could go to his graduation. The launch didn’t need anything from me at this point but to hit the publish button. Advertising was already in place.
What was more, I wanted to be at his graduation.
I walked back up on to the porch, and suddenly, the idea of walking back into that house was just too much. It was like this heavy, oppressive shadow that wrapped strong hands around my throat and squeezed.
The place was just too haunted for me now and I knew I’d made the right decision to move.
17
Launch day dawned bright and beautiful a week later, the sun streaming through the giant window in my new bedroom. I stretched lazily and my door creaked open, allowing the scents of coffee, almond meal waffles and bacon to waft inside.
“I’m ready to hit the button!” Bex said as pushed through the door. I was happy to see that Rosa was behind her.
“Move over, incoming.” Rosa flopped on the bed with me.
“So, I know breakfast in bed is supposed to be fun, but you guys are going to get crumbs in my blanket.”
“You sound like Gavin. Maybe you should go out with him,” Rosa teased.
“I don’t want to go out with anyone,” I said. “I’m just going to date myself for a while.”
Bex snickered. “Is it still yourself if it’s purple and plastic?” She waggled her perfectly waxed eyebrows.
“Shut up. At least I don’t have to worry about how it’s feeling and it’s certainly not going to cheat on me.”
“You got that right.” Bex pulled the laptop onto the bed and then nudged it at me. “Come on. It’s time.”
I pulled up the admin portal to the website. Everything was in place. All I had to do was click “publish” and Chubbalicious would be born into the world.
Fear and hope tangled together like sticky, spiky vines in my gut. I looked back and forth between the women on my bed. There was nothing left for me to do but jump—fling myself out into oblivion.
“What if it fails?” I whispered.
“It’ll never have the chance to succeed or fail if you never push the button.”
I thought about Kieran and how I’d had this same conversation with myself about being with him. What if it didn’t work? Would I rather be filled with some burning, burgeoning hope and longing for something I thought I couldn’t have or would I rather reach for it and know what it’s like to hold it in my hand?
Kieran hadn’t worked out so well.
But there was more to life than one relationship. There was more to everything than one failure.
So what if I failed? So what? I’d try again. I wasn’t going to let anything stop me.
I pushed the button and I waited.
I don’t know what I expected, maybe a slow burn. At best, I’d hoped for one or two orders a day, not this.
The site crashed in the first thirty minutes, but not before I’d sold out of all of my stock. The sheer amount of traffic was too much for the servers.
My mouth fell open. “Did that just happen?”
“I think it did. I told you, it was that picture.” Rosa grinned and pointed at the screen.
“That was a hot picture. I was hoping you’d have my size because if your clothes will net me guys like that…” Bex grinned.
“That shoot was so hot.” Rosa nodded.
“I guess I need to call the supplier and let them know. What if this was just a fluke?” I mean, this couldn’t have happened to me. Not like this. I didn’t just become a success within thirty minutes of launching the site. Did I?
I didn’t know if it was okay to be so happy. Part of me wondered if the second I surrendered to the joy, some kind of bomb would drop and take it all away.
