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“I still don’t believe it’s real.”
“You’re happy enough with Brant.”
“I guess because he’s not perfect. Like me. We’re not “traditionally attractive” as some people like to say.”
“Who the fuck says that? There are all sorts of women all over Brant and you’ve always got men looking at you. Maybe you’re not a size two, but who says you have to be?”
I had a prepared rant about societal expectations, advertising, fat-shaming… but it wasn’t any of those things. It was me. I didn’t actually believe I was beautiful. Not deep down.
“Me.” I hated how small and sad I sounded. So pathetic.
His mouth slammed into mine—it was like guerrilla kissing. But it was absolutely everything I’d dreamed it could be.
He made me feel tiny, delicate, and treasured. His mouth was so hard and commanded the kiss like some kind of general. My arms twined around his neck and I couldn’t help thinking he tasted of sweet mint.
And I remembered April carried these super sweet mints her purse. She liked to use them after giving oral.
I broke the kiss and jerked away from him.
“What the hell, Claire?” He looked stunned, his voice was ragged.
“I can’t, I just can’t.”
I fled to my room and slammed the door. I curled up in the middle of my bed waiting for the knock that never came.
10
“Claire, it’s me.” Brant said through the door some time later.
“Come in.”
He had two plastic containers from Roadhouse.
“What happened? I thought you were going to talk to him?”
“Is he here?”
“No, he’s gone. April called a cab.” He shrugged. “I offered to take her home, but she was really upset and wouldn’t even wait inside.”
“I should go talk to her.” I wrapped my arms even more tightly around my knees. I didn’t want to talk to her. For a little bit, I just wanted something to be about me.
“That’s probably the last thing you should do. Because like I said, everyone saw what was between you and Kieran today. Including April.”
I sighed. “Why did he do this?”
“Do you want the honest answer or the answer that will make you feel better?”
I pursed my lips. “Honestly? Neither.”
“What about your steak? You want that?” He pushed it at me on the bed.
“Yes, yes I do.”
“I have to leave in a little while. I need to hit the gym and get ready for work. Are you going to be okay?”
“You are unbelievable. Really. Where is your shining armor? Because I swear you have it.”
“It’s not shining. It’s red. It’s the armor and the noble steed.” He brushed his lips against mine—his kiss so different from Kieran’s. “Don’t change the subject. Are you okay? If you don’t want to talk about what happened, that’s fine, but I need to know that you’re good.”
I nodded. “I’m good. And so are you, much too good to me.”
“You’ve said that before. Don’t you think you deserve to be treated well?”
“There’s treating me well and then there’s you.” I laughed.
“And when it’s time to choose, I hope you remember that.”
If anyone else had said that to me, I’d have felt pressure. Like he was only being nice to me to get something out of me, but I already knew Brant wasn’t that kind of person and it made me feel like an asshole that I couldn’t just forget about Kieran.
But things like this didn’t happen to girls like me.
It was rare to have one man interested, let alone two.
As soon as I had that thought, I wanted to rip it out of my head. How dare I think so lowly of myself? As if all that defined my value as a person was if someone wanted to fuck me?
I was just as bad as everyone else. No, I was worse. Because I put on this face, but it was a lie.
And I was going to hurt someone who didn’t deserve it.
If Kieran and I were meant to be, it would have happened a long time before now. I needed to put him out of my head.
“Will you come by after work tonight?” I asked Brant.
“You know, there’s not much to go do when I get off work.” He teased.
“I don’t want to go out. I want to stay in. All night.”
“Oh really?” His grin was adorable and just a little panty-melting. I don’t know why I’d never noticed that all the times before he’d asked me out.
“Yeah, really.” I grabbed his shirt and pulled him toward me for another kiss.
This was good. Brant was good. If I could just stop being a silly bitch, I could be happy.
