Page 14 of Fat

"Try harder. It could be fun." He grinned.

"It's always about sex with you."

"It's always about sex with everyone, Claire. Don't let anyone try to fool you and say that it isn't."

I couldn't let that go, even though logic said to ignore it and move along. "What about us? We're friends. I like to think that we care about each other. Am I wrong?"

"Of course I care about you."

Okay, now would have been a good time to let it go. But my mouth kept moving. "We've never had sex. What does fucking have to do with us?"

He grabbed me hard, hugged me. For one moment, I allowed myself to think about the way his body felt under my hands, my breasts crushed into the hard expanse of his chest—his hands burning my skin through my t-shirt.

God, it was like I'd gone from Lolly Librarian to some kind of sex addict.

"It's because I care about you, because I love you. But don't think for one minute that I don't know you're a woman." He released me as suddenly as he'd grabbed me and then rinsed out his cup as if that hadn't just happened.

My brain overloaded with scenarios. Of all the times we could have fallen into bed if one of us had made a move. He wanted me, too.

I didn't believe it. It didn't make sense. Kieran Holt could have any woman on the planet. Why would he choose me?

He wouldn't. It was just because for the whole of the time we'd been roommates, he'd never seen me with another guy. The few guys I had dated briefly didn't come to the house, we didn't hang out together as a group and Brant was in our group of friends. I'd always still been his friend... These guys I dated were never real to him.

I knew Kieran had attachment/abandonment issues. He'd been on his own since he was fourteen. No one had ever stuck with him like I had. I was his family.

"Are you going to wear that to breakfast?" he asked.

"Uh—" I looked down at myself. "Yeah. Is there something wrong with it?"

"No. If you're ready you can tell April to get moving."

I really didn’t want her to come. I wanted her to go home so she’d know she was nothing better than any of the other warm, wet holes Kieran had in his bedroom. She wasn’t special. For once, I didn’t want her to get what she wanted. Because I’m an asshole. I hated feeling that way about my friend, but I couldn’t seem to stop. "You know, if all you wanted to give her was Finn McCool, you shouldn't be taking her out to breakfast."

"She's taking me."

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean."

"She says she wants the Kieran experience. The real me. I kind of don't believe her. She just wants me because she thinks she can't have me."

"Can she have you?" I really wanted him to say no. I wanted him to say that he could never belong to anyone but me.

"Anyone who wants me can have me, lass. I'm nothing special."

"Finn McCool thinks he's pretty damn special." I teased.

"Finn McCool knows he's not good for anything but his dick. We all have our talents, love, and that's his."

I bit my lip. I'd never heard him talk this way before. "Kieran Holt is worth a lot more than Finn McCool. He's pretty, there's no doubt about that. But you're my best friend. Do you really think that if all you had to offer was a handsome face and a nice gun show that I'd trust you to live in my house? That it would be your shoulder I lean on?"

"And here I thought you just liked hugging me because I'm taller than you." That moment of insecurity, wherever it had come from, was gone. In its place was the Kieran I knew so well.

Then I wondered if maybe he was just as damaged as me. I'd always admired him for how he'd come through so much, but lived life on his own terms. He wouldn't be content with what the world gave him, he reached out and took what he wanted. Only maybe, he hid his insecurities the same way I hid mine. He was just better at it.

"April is taking a damn long time. I'll go hurry her along. I'm starved." I wasn't really, I hated eating in the morning. Kieran knew that. But I had to get away from the situation and the things it made me feel.

I wandered into Kieran's room and found April sitting on the bed. "What are you doing?"

She looked up at me. "Feeling horrible."

"For what?" If she said she regretted telling Kieran she wanted the real him instead of Finn McCool, I might slap her.

"For what I said."

My hand twitched.

"About the Chihuahua and Great Dane. That was super shitty."

I exhaled heavily. So she knew what she'd said was mean. I didn't know which was worse. If she'd known it and done it anyway, or was completely oblivious. "It's okay. All the women Kieran brings home are threatened by me because I'm permanent and they want to be." Yeah, maybe I was being a little shitty myself.

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