Page 85

“Yup.” I move to the opposite side of the kitchen and grab a coffee mug out of the cabinet before setting it under the one-cup brewer.

“Because I could have sworn I saw Gary running around Joshua’s yard about an hour or so ago.”

I freeze.

I’ve never been very good at lying to my parents. Bennett’s the expert in that regard. He never cared if he broke their rules. On the other hand, I’ve always been a rule follower.

Except these days, I tend to be more than happy to break the rules, at least where Joshua’s concerned.

“M-maybe he snuck through the fence again,” I suggest, my voice brighter and more forced than normal.

“Wynter…” Mom sighs.

“He’s done it before.” I add a bit of milk and sweetener to my coffee.

“You don’t have to lie.”

“I’m not.” I face her but deliberately don’t look in her eyes.

She pinches her lips into a tight line. “I know you didn’t spend the night here. In fact, I know you haven’t been sleeping here for the last couple of weeks.”

My mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

I feel like I’m thirteen again and just got caught sneaking down the street to watch an R-rated movie with my friend.

Except I’m not thirteen.

I’m thirty-three.

And my mom just caught me sneaking back in the house after sleeping with my twenty-five-year-old neighbor.

“It’s okay.” She gives me a gentle smile as she brings her coffee back to her mouth. “If this is what you need as part of navigating this next chapter of your life, I support it.”

I don’t immediately respond. That would mean admitting she’s right.

But she is right. I haven’t been sleeping here these past couple of weeks. Instead, I’ve spent every single night in Joshua’s bed with his arms wrapped around me.

“I just hope you’ve given some thought to how this might affect Joshua, too.”

“He understands my situation,” I tell her. “We’ve agreed to keep things casual.”

“Let me guess.” Mom gives me a pointed stare. “He said he was okay with that.”

I nod, the motion barely noticeable.

“Did you ever stop to consider why he agreed to keep things casual?”

I shrug and avert my gaze, studying the grain of the hardwood floor, as if it might hold the answer I need.

The truth is, I never really stopped to consider Joshua’s motivation. Why he’d be okay with this if he knew it most likely wouldn’t go anywhere. Maybe because he’s not looking for anything serious, either.

But I suspect that’s not the case.

“Wynter…” Mom begins, setting her coffee down. “Joshua has always looked at you like you hung the moon. The passing of years hasn’t changed that. If anything, I think it’s made his feelings even stronger. He’d agree to anything you asked of him if it meant he could be with you. Even if it ends up breaking his heart.”

“That’s not my intention. Hilde encouraged me to do one thing for myself every day,” I explain. “Something that wasn’t about Wyatt. Or football. Or making someone else happy. One thing that makes me happy.”

I could have picked something different every day. But I haven’t. I’ve kept going back to Joshua.