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“Actually, we should just go and fight them,” the head gym bro, the one with colorful braces, suggests. “Like in my favorite video games, you know, where the NPCs gain weapons magically and use them to unalive the monsters.”

Every raises a thick eyebrow. “What if we don’t have any weapons?”

“We can’t gain them magically, like if we reach a level or something, brother?”

“Nope.”

“Then we’re cooked.”

“We do have weapons,” the warlord tells them all, raising up a spear—basically just a sharpened stick—he brought with him under his fur coat.

But sharpened sticks can only do so much damage.

The silent mafia guy at Every’s side decides to speak next, not wanting the readers to forget his existence. That would be undesirable. “Uh, guys, what if we just go brawl with them—like in fistfights. Or kicks, like my beloved Chun-Li. The battle would be like a street fight of sorts, with everyone using whatever they have. Or just going bare if they don’t. Us mafia bros left our guns at home ’cause we didn’t think this would be serious enough to need them, so we’ll just use our MMA skills.”

The alien warlord nods in agreement. “That’s right. Us ice planet pookies will use our spikes, and you buddies can use your hands.”

Did he just call himself pookie?

And his horde of frighteningly ripped killer machines?

Every pouts, the pretty boy he is. “That ain’t fair, buddy.”

Lily shushes him. “Look, my man, sticks and stones can’t exactly do much either. We’re all pretty much even.”

“Yeah, right. And I even have my main love interest immortality shield. See, since I’m a major character, I wouldn’t die so easily.”

“Look, no one’s dying here. Not in this lighthearted romance comedy.”

Lily’s man gives her a shy smile. “You’re always right, babe.”

She blushes.

Queeny, watching the curious exchange, snorts. “Wait, so that’s it? Everyone agrees that we’re gonna go fighting bare?”

“Why not?” Every asks, recovered from his intense flirting with his girl. “You wanna go to war wearing condoms or something?”

“Well, fuck it, we’ll do it that way, I guess. Y’all agree?”

The room sounds with a chorus of yeses and yeahs and yeas, and a small ‘yep’ from Lily, the tiny pixie girl.



The whole throne room buzzes with energy as leaders try to explain the strategy to their subordinates. Their plan may not be the best, Lily admits, but there sure isn’t a better option in such a dire, hopeless scenario like this. Fairyland could buy some weapons and whatnot from some dubious arms dealer who may or may not steal their credit card information, yes, but the possession and purchase of firearms is firmly illegal in Fairyland.

How confusing.

So no cannons or gunpowder for them.

Just raw hands and fingers and bare backs.

What a weird way of wording it.

Lily prods a control button on a mysterious black, remote-control-like device, standing next to her man Every and her new pal Queeny. She picked up the thing randomly off the floor. “Is a bomb gonna go off?”

Queeny chuckles. “Nah, that’s a vibrator remote. Not sure how it came here, though. Must have been one of our allies.”

Lily quickly drops the thing, utterly disgusted, and wipes her hands on her short jean shorts. She, like Every, had changed back into her usual attire since the day before.