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“It’s actually pretty over here,” Lily-girl chirps happily as she and her man are let down from the sleigh in front of what looks like a pile of oversized rocks.

A cave, basically.

Then the iron sleigh, manned by a lone ice planet being and his trusted engine, is motored away, leaving the two in the wild with practically nothing. No weapons to fight potential demons, no coke to snort to pass the time, not even a bag of supplies like those mandatory ones given in survival movies and TV shows.

Nothing, nada.

But that doesn’t mean they can’t be content with the nothing they have.

Lily Lilette Lilishka smiles, inhaling the icy smell of the frigid wild that threatens to give her a bad case of the flu.

“Wait till you see the bats and bears that might be illegally occupying our new home,” Every says to her.

“Oh, that’s so dope,” Lily deadpans like the unaware girl she always is. Unaware of the nearing danger, unaware of the far-away danger, unaware of the danger that is herself.

Every thinks to himself out loud, a bad habit no one should have. “I can’t believe Evera already kicked us out after only a few days. Last time, it was three whole weeks before I ran her patience through. Damn, I sure feel like a fucking squatter now, sugartits, always staying at other people’s lodgings, always getting evicted.”

Then he adds a sad, unmotivated “damn.”

And he finishes it with growling, snarling, and sparkling, just typical male lead stuff when they’re being edgy and broody with some mysteriously dark powers.

Lily-girl sighs, getting philosophical for the first time in her short life. “You know, my man, I’ve been squatting in some stranger’s house pretty much most of my life. After we were kicked out of the trailer park, we went to some old ranch someone left. It was old, but with the help of a couple of Momma’s exes, we renovated the fuck out of it. And we built a life.”

“And look how it turned out.” Every sits his fat ass down on the wet, snowy floor, which could potentially cover a patch of grassy soil underneath. But one could never know, since snow never melts here on the ice planet of Pluto.

How depressing.

Be sure to slot a doom metal vinyl into the player for extra morbid vibes.

Lily sighs. “Look, Every, our lives may be a little bumpy, a little unconventional, but at the end of the day, we made do with what we had and lived. We thrived, even. Me, my momma, my sissy. It might have taken a while for us to settle down, but we did. It ain’t the end of the world, my man.”

Here she is, our heroine girl, yapping like an English teacher.

Crystal clear tears form in her man’s eyes, showing just how emotional he has become with her jumbled-up motivational words. And remember, he’s never cried before he met her.

“You’re right, sugartits,” he sniffs, instantly killing the forlorn mood with his horny, corny, cornball of a nickname. “Thanks for the pre-war pep talk, it sure helped me a lot. At this rate, you could be quite a successful motivational speaker and charge your audiences a thousand bucks per course or something.”

“You really think so?” Lily asks, her eyes instantly brightening up at the prospect of easy money.

“Yeah, just take up a Latin stage name to sound educational. Something like Sextus or Vajanus that would sound mysterious enough to draw the attention of the masses, I guess.”

“Huh. I was thinking Aristotle or something like that,” Lily mutters, revealing that she is, in fact, not entirely failed by the education system, and could remember the name of at least one classical philosopher.

Every shakes his head, the cords of his neck muscles flexing. “Nah, that’s already used. You don’t want to get into a copyright claim lawsuit or get sued for misinformation, yeah?”

And guess what? Even failing his private school’s curriculum, Every the Aristocrat still has some basic knowledge of property law, after all, though his information may be slightly misleading. Well, of course, he does; he’s a CEO of some big ass, unnamed company, after all. He probably talks shit ’bout NDAs and PDAs with his team of twelve lawyers all day long, in between sessions of watching golf and drinking overpriced liquor.

And speaking of ancient Roman people and their peculiar Latin name, Lily girl, currently stuck in the wilderness, still wouldn’t stop coming up with her unique ones. “Then how about Aristurtle. Or Aristortoise, if the first one is somehow already taken.”

Then, a miracle upon miracles, Every finally comes to his senses. “Uh, Lily, I believe we have more important matters in hand, do we not?

He is back, our Regency-era gentleman.

Lily pouts her full pink lips as she studies the pile of giant stones before her face. Her flawless face.

The whole thing is about three meters tall, quite a height for a short girl like her, though perhaps not so for Every. The periphery is mostly coated under a heavy sheet of snow, grey from the dirt accumulated throughout the years. A rounded stone covers what must be the opening of the cave, as the tiny slit of an aperture is visible from outside.