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I bite my lip as I consider what he’s suggesting before I respond. “That idea is admittedly a lot harder to dismiss.”

“Being in a public throuple would mean we’d have to deal with a lot more societal complications,” Patrick points out. “But I’m intrigued by the idea if you’re open to it.”

Fuck. Am I?

Being gay has been difficult enough with being disowned by my family and having to constantly screen new people I meet before deciding how much of myself I feel safe sharing. Do we really want to add being publicly polyamorous to that? The younger version of me couldn’t even fathom having this thought. He was so scared to love one man openly, I almost can’t imagine loving two. What would people at work say? Friends? But then I think about how proud I am to claim Patrick as my partner. How much I love people knowing that he’s mine. And I allow myself to indulge in the fantasy of having that same claim over Scotty. Sure, we’ve only spent a short amount of time together since he’s been back, but he isn’t someone we just met. He’s always been important to me, and it’s easy to picture the feelings I already have for him growing into more if we continue on the way things are.

Navigating other people’s judgments seems like a headache worth dealing with if it means we might get to actually keep Scotty the way I think we’re both realizing we want to. Even if part of me is scared to go through having to explain myself and my choices to people in my life again, it’ll be different this time. I was so concerned back then about losing people, but I know now that love shouldn’t be conditional. Anyone worth having in my life isn’t going to judge me for who I love, or for doing something that makes me happier. I’ve already cut out my judgmental family, and I’m sure Jace wouldn’t care since he knows about the vacation rule we have in place anyway. Would anyone else’s opinion truly even matter to me?

“I think we should try,” I finally admit. “I don’t know how we should approach asking Scotty, though.”

Patrick sits up a bit straighter. “Yeah, it’s probably too soon to bring it up with him. He isn’t used to just how honest we are. Maybe we continue on the way we have been, but focus on spending the next day or two showing him how great dating us would be, and then we ask him out for real?”

“That sounds good,” I agree with a nod. “I definitely want to talk about it with him while we’re still here.”

“Me too.”

The back door swings open and Scotty’s voice rings out. “The party has arrived!”

Patrick and I exchange a hopeful smile as Scotty runs out carrying a tray filled with drinks that he sets down on the corner of the hot tub before quickly stripping out of his winter coat and shoes, tossing his towel on the chair with ours, and revealing his very short swim trunks that leave nothing to the imagination. I hate that they’re immediately covered by the water as he joins us.

“So what did I miss?” he asks, looking between us.

Patrick smiles mischievously. “Just updating each other on what we want for Christmas.”

Scotty’s eyebrows pull together. “You didn’t get each other gifts yet?”

“Never too late to ask for more,” I reply with a shrug and a hopeful grin.

Fuck, I hope that’s true. Patrick and I have been so happy for so long without ever wanting more with anyone else, but now that we’ve talked about dating Scotty, I can’t imagine things ending between the three of us at the end of this week.

18

“Okay, I made my three favorites from the different parties I’ve helped organize this holiday season, but I won’t be offended if you don’t like it—even if I did work very hard on them,” I tease as I settle into my corner of the hot tub next to the tray of drinks I brought out.

“I can’t wait,” Joey replies.

“They look amazing,” Patrick adds.

They must have talked through whatever had Patrick so quiet at dinner because they’re both smiling at me now with warm expressions. I made sure to take my sweet time cleaning up and preparing these drinks with the fanciest presentation I could come up with to give them as long as I could to talk on their own. I sent Tara a quick update picture of the drinks when I was done, but I wasn’t sure what else to say since dinner had been so quiet, so I warned her I was about to get in a hot tub and be away from my phone without giving any actual update. Whoops.

When I couldn’t put off coming out here any longer, I loudly announced my arrival so I didn’t surprise them. I’d half expected to find them fighting or maybe for them to be waiting to talk to me about ending the sex arrangement this week with how much tension there was during our meal, but the vibes are all good again. I definitely wasn’t expecting them to be all smiles, staring at each other with obvious love like they so often do, but it’s a pleasant surprise.

I try to ignore the sting of jealousy I always feel when they look at each other like that. I think it’s incredible their relationship is as strong as I remember it being fifteen years ago. Back then, I was so jealous of what they have; I wanted someone to look at me like that, to love me as fiercely as they love each other. Now, I’m trying to ignore the voice in my head that’s not so helpfully suggesting I don’t just want a love like they have, but that I want in on theirs. That I don’t want someone to look at me like that, I want Patrick and Joey to look at me the way they look at each other.

But I know what this is, and I will gladly take the sex they’re offering me this week.

Even if the sex earlier was more intimate than any other hookup I’ve ever been a part of.

I’m just their plaything this week to spice up their sex life on vacation, I remind myself.

Joey and Patrick are amazing guys, and I’m lucky to consider them friends. It’s fine that’s all they’ll ever be. My jealousy and errant thoughts of when we might be able to do this again are only going to add a sour note to an otherwise incredible week, so I should simply focus on enjoying my time with them. Especially now that they both seem to be in such good moods.

I match their smiles as I hand them each a glass, then pick up my own. “First up, we have a gingerbread margarita with tequila, lime juice, ginger syrup, and brown sugar syrup. The glass is rimmed with a pumpkin spice and sugar blend.”

“Will that be the only thing rimmed tonight?” Joey asks suggestively as he takes his first sip.

I snort a laugh. “I am always open to more rimming.”