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He stands, heading to the sink as he continues. “Now it’s my turn to show you both what I can make. If you guys want to head out to the hot tub, I can clean up in here and prepare some of those nondairy holiday cocktails I promised. We can do a whole tasting and pick our favorites if you’d like.”

I have no idea if he’s aware of the tension I’ve no doubt created and is offering Joey and me a chance to talk privately, but I jump at the opportunity regardless. “That sounds perfect. Thank you, sweetheart.”

17

Patrick and I are uncharacteristically silent as we change into our swim trunks and grab towels to bring outside with us to the hot tub.

Obviously we need to talk, and the loft is not the place for a potentially sensitive conversation, but the longer we wait, the more my nerves are amplifying. Did I do something wrong? Cross some line with Scotty during sex that I didn’t know existed? Patrick seemed to be enjoying himself just as much as Scotty and I were, but he’s been unusually quiet since the three of us were wrapped around each other in the bed after.

There’s no use psyching myself out when I don’t know what he’s going to say, but I can’t help but hope we’re having similar concerns about how short our time with Scotty is, and that’s why we need to talk. Because if it’s anything else… Well, I don’t want to think about that too hard.

We’ll be honest like we always are and go from there.

Scotty offers us a big smile from his spot standing at the kitchen island as we walk back downstairs.

“Wow, your drinks look more complicated than the dinner I made,” Patrick jokes, taking in all of the liquor bottles and ingredients surrounding Scotty as he cuts up an orange. It looks like he’s about to open a full-service bar.

“I figured we might as well go all out. We have with everything else,” he explains with a laugh as he gestures to the holiday decor covering the space and our gingerbread houses from yesterday.

“No complaints from me,” I assure him. “See you out there soon.”

Scotty nods, and Patrick holds up my coat for me to put on before shrugging into his own. The winter air is even colder than I expected. We hurry to get the hot tub ready, then we’re ditching our coats and getting in as fast as possible. Despite the incredible, picturesque sunset over the snow-covered mountains behind us, we both choose a spot with a clear view of the back door, no doubt wanting to know when Scotty will be joining us.

As soon as we’re settled in next to each other, I turn to Patrick. “I know it’s a radical honesty moment, but is this a check-in or a big talk?”

“Big talk,” he responds right away, sounding nervous in a way I don’t think I’ve ever heard from him. I try to keep my breathing even and stay calm as he continues. “At least, I think it is.”

“I’m ready,” I assure him with a nod, eager for him to just spit out whatever the fuck he’s so nervous about.

He takes a big breath in before reaching out to take my hand. “Okay, I don’t know how much time we have before Scotty comes out here, so I’m going to just blurt it all out. I can’t stop thinking about how perfectly he fits in with us. Not just for sex, but with everything. Obviously, on the drive up here we were all excited about the possibility of hooking up, so how great the hours in the car together were seemed easier to dismiss. But then yesterday with the gingerbread contest, we had even more fun with him joining in. And all day today I haven’t been able to shake the thought that there’s something special between the three of us.”

I nod because I completely agree. My nerves have started to morph into excitement, but I’m not sure where he’s going with this, so I don’t dare to interrupt as he continues.

“I’m happy with our relationship. More than happy. I hope you know how true that is. There is absolutely nothing missing or wrong with our marriage.” Patrick squeezes my hand, and I offer an encouraging smile. “But there’s also Scotty. We’ve never been able to forget him, and now that he’s back in our lives, with the way he seems to fit so seamlessly with us, never coming between us. It’s like he’s somehow able to amplify all of the positive qualities of our relationship in a way that’s impossible for me to ignore. I don’t want our time with him to be over in a few days, and I don’t even know what that means or what I want it to mean, but I know we need to talk about it because I’ve never felt this way about anyone but you before. If you don’t agree, that’s okay, of course, but I think we need to end things with him because these aren’t casual-hookup feelings I’m having.”

Okay, so really big talk. Not in a bad way, but I’m still very aware of the fact that this is a potentially life-altering moment for us, and I need to carefully consider my response.

I think back to the many conversations we’ve had about our rules and limits over the years, and how we’ve always agreed that our vacation-only hookup plan made the most sense for us. A perfect way to have extra fun without really changing anything in our lives. The only time we’ve ever even considered anything else was after the initial hookup with Scotty went so well, and we’d toyed with the idea of a repeat with him back in NYC. But then he stopped flirting and eventually started dating Harry. We moved on, the vacation rule still in place.

But now Scotty is single.

Our vacation hookups have always brought Patrick and me closer together. Despite the fact that we have sex with other men, I’ve never wanted more with any of those men, so things have been pretty easy.

But Patrick is right, things definitely aren’t feeling very easy right now when I consider ending things with Scotty at the end of this week.

“I completely agree with everything you’ve said,” I assure him, and he lets out a huge sigh, relaxing back into his seat. We both sink a little further into the hot tub without dropping each other’s hands as I continue in a low volume, even though I know Scotty can’t hear us from inside. “Scotty has always been different. I don’t want our time with him to be over in a few days either; it actually makes me feel a bit physically ill to think about it, but what the fuck would “not ending” even mean?”

Patrick shakes his head, glancing at the back door to confirm Scotty is still inside before he answers. “I guess we’re talking about the possibility of opening our marriage long-term.”

Damn. That’s definitely not what I was expecting when we invited Scotty to join us this week.

But even having him state that so plainly doesn’t scare me. Honestly, it only makes me excited about the possibility. I squeeze his hand again and smile. “Okay. Yeah, I guess we are. But what does that even look like? What are the options?”

Patrick shrugs. “I think the first question is if we only want to continue having sex with him. For him to be a secret third that we fuck when we feel like it?”

“No, that’s not what this is,” I immediately dismiss that idea because Scotty has always meant more to us than just sex.

“Yeah, I agree. So then I think the next question would be if we want to date him? For the three of us to be in a relationship?”