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Jaw clenching in frustration, my head thuds back against the wall. Not wanting her to overhear any negative news, I’d stepped out of the flat and made the call in the building’s hallway.

“What do you think? She’s doing her best. Trying to be stronger than she needs to be. And she wants to go to the rescue today.”

“Okay, that’s good she’s feeling up to leaving the house. It can be hard, so don’t push her or be surprised if she needs to come home,” Logan suggests, like I’m some sort of idiot.

“Not fucking stupid, and I’m not going to force her to do anything. It doesn’t feel safe to take her there. You need to send someone too.”

He hesitates, not giving me the response I want straight away. “Nate, I’ve still got them regularly patrolling around your building, but I can’t just send officers to sit around all day.”

“What about private security? You must have contacts. Send the details over, and I’ll get someone.” My words grind out as I lose patience.

Rosy needs me to make this happen for her, and I’m trying to do that and compromise. Can’t Logan fucking see that?

“Nate…”

“Logan, if you put one more fucking obstacle in my way, I swear you’ll be sick of me by the time I’ve finished breathing down your neck. I might be bulky, but I’m fucking Velcro. I’ll be there every second to keep you company. Waking up in the morning? I’ll be there. You need a piss? I’ll be there…”

“Fuck’s sake, Nate. You know you can’t threaten law enforcement, right?”

“Apparently, you’re not a detective who can assist me right now; you’re Noah’s useless friend. Ergo, my useless friend. And friends hang out, so that’s what we’d be doing. I’ve spent years living with Max. I’m fully aware of all the ways to drive a person insane. If you’d like to be Detective Logan right now and help me…well then, I wouldn’t need to come be your friend, would I?” I’m breathing heavily by the time I finish, my pent-up ire fuelling me.

“Fine. Drop me a message, and I’ll send someone. But this can’t be a regular occurrence⁠—”

I hang up, not in the mood to listen to a lecture, and walk back into the flat. Some of my frustration eases when I see Rosy curled up on a sofa with Noah.

She’s watching me, brows raised.

“We can go.” I exhale despondently, wishing she’d change her mind and stay here where she’s safest.

I never liked being apart from her before, but it was more of an uncomfortable weight in my stomach… Now it’s bordering on an unhealthy compulsion to keep her protected. I don’t know how to deal with the panic that screams through me at the idea of her leaving, of something happening to her again.

Rosy’s face lights up. Her enthusiasm for going to her favourite place almost penetrates the thick layer of unease.

Almost.

THIRTY-ONE

ROSY

However hard this is for me, I know Nate’s struggling too. Even if he thinks I can’t see it, it’s written in every tightly strung muscle in his body. Having him worry so much is giving me something to fixate on rather than the internal panic.

This is the first time I’ve left the house since he took me. It’s the first time this new version of me is out in the world, trying to see where she fits in.

What if people can somehow see his tainted marks on me? What if they figure out what he did?

My hands are clammy in my lap as I twist and knot them together, tugging at my jumper sleeves. Thankfully, the spring weather is still a little cool, which means I can comfortably wear long-sleeved clothing. It doesn’t stop me knowing what’s hidden beneath the layers.

“You’ll stay with me the whole time?” The question slips out, showcasing some of my unease, my weakness.

“The whole time,” Nate promises.

The hand curled around the back of my neck squeezes gently, then his fingers resume their soft strokes. I’m not sure he’s aware he does it. Every day since they brought me home, his hand has gravitated to my neck, subconsciously covering my pulse. It soothes something in me. A reminder to us both that I’m here.

My stomach churns as Nate turns off onto the track leading to the farm. It meant he needed to remove his hand…which I’m glad for, so he can’t detect my thundering, accelerated heartbeat.

I don’t think I can do this.

What if he’s out here hiding, waiting to take me again? The area around the farm is dotted with large, old trees…easy to conceal a person. The trees I felt so much peace and comfort around before suddenly seem sinister.