Page 196

Shaye stared at her in surprise. “Yes. How did you know?”

Kathy smiled. “The benefits of age, my dear. I’ve seen a lot. Then your mom left you.”

“It was bad. She hadn’t been feeling well or sleeping. One morning, she wasn’t up, and I was so relieved she’d finally gotten some sleep. Only, when I checked her, she was gone. She’d died in the night.”

She didn’t remember much about that morning. She supposed that was her brain’s way of protecting her from yet another loss.

“I called the paramedics, and they called the coroner. Given her health issues and my dad’s passing, no one was surprised, except for me.” Tears burned. “I didn’t think she’d leave me.”

“You know she didn’t have a choice, right? It’s not like she willed herself to die. You were her only child, and she loved you. She would have stayed if she could.”

“I tell myself that, and most days I believe it.” She looked at Kathy. “I can’t do it again. I can’t survive another broken heart. I don’t have it in me. Lawson is . . . He’s incredible and wonderful, and I’ll never meet anyone like him again. I know that. I know I’m going to regret losing him, but I can’t deal with any other option. I’m not that strong. I just want to go be by myself. If I don’t care too much, I can’t get hurt. That’s better.”

“Safe,” Kathy said, squeezing her hand. “So much safer. Lonely, but that’s the price you pay.”

Shaye pressed her lips together. “I can’t tell if you’re agreeing with me or humoring me.”

Kathy’s expression was kind. “I understand what you’re feeling, and I know why you’re making the choices you are. I’m not humoring you. I’m sad you’re giving up the chance to have something wonderful in your life based on the assumption that you’re a weak person.”

Shaye pulled back her arm, hurt by the words. “Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s the problem. You just said you’re too weak to handle the pain of loss. At least you know your limitations.”

Shaye didn’t like the sound of that. She wasn’t weak. She’d held it together through the death of both her parents. She’d dealt with their estates, had sold the family home and, when her boyfriend had turned out to be a jerk, had driven across the country, by herself, to start over.

“I’m not weak. I’m not.”

“So, afraid?”

Wrestling with fear sounded better than being weak. “Yes, I’m afraid.”

“Of not being strong enough to handle something bad happening?”

“I guess.” Although not being strong enough sounded an awful lot like being weak. She shifted, uncomfortable with the conversation.

Kathy smiled. “I know you expect me to tell you that you can’t run away from loss, so I’ll just point out that it has a way of finding you, regardless of how well you hide. It’s a part of life.”

Kathy’s gaze locked with hers. “Love is worth it. That I know for sure. Was I devastated when Douglas died? Of course. That pain will be with me always, but it can’t take away the thousands of days we spent together. I’ll always have the laughter, the love, my children and grandchildren. I know you’ve suffered a lot. Having said that, I must tell you you’ve learned the wrong lesson. We can’t hide from life. What’s that old saying? Something about reaching for the stars because even when we fail, we’ve aimed so much higher than we did before.” She smiled. “I have that all wrong, but you know what I’m saying.”

Shaye did, and she didn’t like it one bit. “I’m still leaving,” she said stiffly. “I have to.”

“Then, I won’t try to convince you otherwise, but I do have a request.”

“What?”

“Stay long enough to ride in the classic car parade with me. I’m so grateful for the work you’ve done. I want you to share in the glory. Just stay through the parade. Please.”

Shaye nodded slowly. She would stay for her job and for the parade, and then she would leave. Maybe she was making a mistake. Maybe she would regret it. But right now she had to protect herself, and there was no way to do that if she stayed.

Lawson stared at his phone. He’d read the text so many times he had it memorized, but he still looked at it over and over again, as if by sheer will the words would change. Only, they didn’t.

I can’t see you anymore. It’s not for the reasons you think, although I’m not sure that matters. I’m leaving after the car show and moving to Seattle. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please believe me when I tell you I’m the problem. I’m not who you think.

And that was all. There was no real explanation beyond the cryptic message, no offer to talk or to see him again. Nothing. Just her ending things.

He spent the rest of the day with a knot in his gut. He went through the motions of doing his job, all the while aware that the very thing he’d hoped would happen—he and Shaye falling in love and spending their lives together—was lost forever.

About once every five minutes he took out his phone to call her. About once an hour, he started for his truck to go talk to her. Each time, he stopped himself. She’d made up her mind, and he would respect that. He wasn’t going to try to convince her. That wasn’t his place. He’d learned that very hard lesson with Cori.