Page 140
It was a weird time in my life. More than anything, I missed Rafe and couldn’t count how many times I’d almost texted him, only to stop myself.
On this particular Friday evening, I’d gone down to Rosemary’s apartment to bring Olive upstairs with me when my phone rang.
My heart sped up, thinking it might be Rafe. But it was Lacey.
What did she want? I’d just said goodbye to her for the weekend a couple of hours ago. “Hi,” I answered.
“Hey, girl. You sound down. You still depressed about being alone?”
I sighed. “I wish I could snap out of it.”
“I’m going to end this streak tonight.”
“What do you mean?”
“You always turn me down when I suggest we go out. Tonight I’m gonna come over there and kidnap you. Be ready in an hour.”
“Wait, I—”
She’d hung up before I had a chance to protest.
Letting out a breath, I supposed I had nothing to lose by getting out of the apartment.
I put on a simple black dress and heels and looked at myself in the mirror. In the stillness of that moment, I heard Calder’s footsteps above. I closed my eyes and listened to him move, sadness washing over me. I wondered what he was doing tonight, if he was going out.
I’d always love Calder, just not the way I loved Rafe. There were fleeting moments when I’d forget everything that had happened and miss Calder. Then I’d curse myself for feeling that way. As I continued to stare at my reflection, I thought about how I’d ruined Calder’s life by falling for his best friend, only to find myself alone now. What was the point of it all? I hoped I could make sense of it someday.
***
Lacey took me to Halo, a club downtown. The place was packed, and I closed my eyes, attempting to get lost in the vibration of the music thumping beneath my feet.
“I’m so glad you didn’t fight me on coming out,” she said as she sipped her vodka soda.
“The hardest part was leaving the apartment, but now that I’m here, I’m glad I came.” I licked salt off my margarita.
“This is how you take advantage of your freedom,” she yelled over the music. “Not by sitting around and staring at the wall. You should be celebrating this time in your life. You can be tied down in your thirties. We need to soak up our twenties before they’re over in the blink of an eye.”
As much as that made sense, I’d never wanted freedom. I craved love, companionship, and safety. Unfortunately, though, I’d also craved the reckless excitement that being with Rafe had given me in the beginning. He seemed to be the perfect combination of everything I wanted. While being alone, single, and a piece of meat on display at this club right now was not appealing to me.
A relatively handsome guy interrupted our conversation. He nodded toward my empty margarita glass. “Can I get you another?”
“Yes, you can,” Lacey answered for me.
Over the next hour, I got to know a little about Seth. Ironically, he was an artist based out of Brooklyn and had longish hair like a certain someone. It felt kind of like talking to the dollar-store version of Rafe.
Lacey had enjoyed a little too much to drink and at one point, she pulled me away from the conversation with Seth and onto the dance floor. Seth followed.
I found myself dancing between them, both Lacey and Seth a little too close for comfort. Sweat poured off of them as they gyrated around me to the beat of “Pony” by Ginuwine.
As I swayed to the music, my thoughts drifted to Rafe. Despite my best efforts to forget him tonight, this wasn’t working.
I excused myself and escaped to the bathroom, leaving them to dance together.
After peeing, I exited the stall and was about to dig my phone out to call Rafe. But I stopped myself yet again. Instead, I went over to the sink and splashed some water on my face.
“Everything okay?” someone asked.
I’d been so immersed in my thoughts I hadn’t noticed the woman standing there. She had long black hair and reminded me vaguely of Morticia Addams.
