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***
Later that day, while Rafe was out running some errands, I stopped down at Rosemary’s to return a pan I’d borrowed from her.
Before I could get back upstairs, she hit me with a question.
“Did you hear that Rafe got an opportunity in Vegas that he’s planning to turn down?”
I nodded. “Yeah, he mentioned it.”
“I think he’s making a mistake. Not to mention, I’d have loved to visit him out there.”
Considering her physical limitations, that surprised me.
“He seems to be using me as an excuse,” she continued. “But I can’t help but wonder if something else is holding him back. He says he doesn’t want to be commercialized, but maybe he’s just afraid of failure. I can’t be sure.” She shook her head. “But honestly, I would rather move out there with him than have him use me as a reason to turn it down.”
I arched a brow. “Would you actually move?”
She shrugged. “I might not want to settle out there forever, but I think the warm, dry weather might do me some good.”
Nodding, I looked away. The fact that she was willing to go—without even knowing about the handicap-accessible apartment—made me realize I was the only thing holding him back. I couldn’t live with myself if Rafe gave up this huge opportunity because of me.
I have to do something.
***
Later that evening, Rafe and I had just finished eating Chinese takeout when I felt ready to burst. It was now or never.
“You need to take the opportunity in Vegas,” I blurted.
He placed his dish in the sink. “Why?”
“Because it’s too big an opportunity not to try.”
He looked out the window for a moment. “I was actually going to tell you tonight that I planned to turn it down.”
I held my breath, preparing. “This isn’t just about the job. It’s more about me.” I paused. “I think I need to be alone for a while. And I don’t want to hold you back while I take the time to figure out what’s best for me.” I hesitated. “I love you, Rafe. This has nothing to do with how I feel about you. But I—”
“Where the fuck is this coming from?” He grimaced. “If you love me, it makes no sense that you’d want to live apart.” The pain in his eyes was palpable.
“The past few weeks living alone here, I’ve realized how much I have to learn about myself. In order to be serious in any relationship, I need to be the best person I can be. And that means not being in a relationship for a while.”
His eyes widened. “Are you fucking serious right now?”
“This isn’t goodbye, Rafe. It’s just me saying I think we need to be apart for a while. You need to spread your wings in Vegas. And I’ll take some time to reflect.”
He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling before he turned to me again. “Should I even bother to try to change your mind?”
“No.” I swallowed hard. “This isn’t a decision I’ve made lightly.”
When I looked into his eyes, they were glistening. “Whatever you need, Talia. I guess if we’re meant to be, you’ll find your way back to me.” He exhaled. “And if we’re not… Well, that’s better for us to figure out now than later. But just know, this isn’t something I want.”
I nodded and tightened every muscle in my body to keep from breaking down.
CHAPTER 38
A few days after I’d told Rafe I needed space, he’d decided to give Vegas a try and ended up taking Rosemary with him. She’d packed enough clothes to last for several weeks, so I wasn’t sure whether she planned to stay out there indefinitely or not. I’d pretended to be unaffected the day I’d helped her pack. Rosemary still had no idea that anything had happened between Rafe and me, and it seemed that was the way Rafe wanted it.
They’d been gone a month now, and I’d gotten exactly what I’d told Rafe I wanted: alone time. When I wasn’t at work, my only company was Rosemary’s cat, Olive, who I was looking after. Calder had been away on business a couple of the weeks, too, and even though I could tell by the footsteps upstairs that he’d returned now, he hadn’t reached out.
