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“Whoa! I’m not saying that’s what I think of him,” he said. “I’m saying that’s almost guaranteed to be what she thinks. Jesus, Lou.” I sensed him giving me a questioning look.

“If that’s true, then we do NOT like Nathalie,” I said.

“You’ll meet her if you come up here for Halloween.”

If I ever heard her think anything like that about my friend, who was probably the most adorable boyfriend that a girl like her should feel lucky to be with—I’d scratch her face with her own fake nails and tell her Gam Gam she’s a whore in front of her church friends.

Good thing I’m not coming to Halloween.

“Fuck no. You know I’ve had plans for this Halloween since last Halloween.” That was true—I wasn’t avoiding shit. Halloween was sacred. My artsy friends and I went all out on our costumes, and this year was going to be the one to rule them all.

13

Halloween Prince

Boston, MA

Will

Halloween music thumped through the house like it was gearing up to punch someone in the chest, and the smell of spilled beer and weed welcomed me before I even reached the door. The party was more chaotic than I expected. Nathalie’s friends, the hostesses, were on a clinical psych rotation at the hospital. I’d met them while they were sober, and they were okay, but let’s just say I’d assumed this get-together would have more cheese. Tonight, they were hammered and waddling around in Huey, Dewey, and Louie costumes.

“Legends,” Hasan whispered after I introduced them.

The house was packed, and I had to appreciate how hard grad students went on their costumes compared to undergrads. Earlier, I’d walked in on The Phantom of the Opera snorting blow in the bathroom, and he made an off-the-cuff joke about “running lines” before the big show.

Ah, that’s pure dedication to the craic. Beautiful!

Hasan had wandered off with a buddy of his I didn’t know. Brooks and Jackson would be here in an hour or so. Nathalie was getting another drink. Without a distraction, my mind kept straying to Louisa. I scanned the room, knowing she wasn’t coming but looking for her all the same.

We were heading to The Swan Dive afterward, and even though I knew I could have been enjoying myself, I was itching to go home. I’d been staying at my mom’s a lot since we got back from New York. I needed to take a beat away from Lou, even on screen, and get my shit together.

On the drive back from the city, Hasan unintentionally ratcheted up my guilt by sharing his entire life story. Unlike Louisa, he had a family he remembered.

I’d gripped the wheel tightly while he talked about his parents and older brother, who were killed in a car accident when he was a little boy. He’d been placed at the group home with Louisa when they were eleven. It was a fucking tragedy. And of course, the light at the end was Lou.

He didn’t say it outright, but it was painfully obvious that she was the love of his life. I’d quietly listened for most of the drive, just focusing on the road and letting him get it out, but I didn’t let the opportunity pass without asking him directly.

I lit a cigarette. “Why aren’t the two of you together? You obviously both think the world of each other,” I asked, cracking the window before I exhaled.

He looked uncomfortable and thought for a while before answering. “Lou’s never pursued a romantic relationship with anyone; it’s just not in her nature, so it benefits us both to stick together,” he said finally. I must have looked as unconvinced as I felt, so he continued. “I don’t like how people constantly want to set me up with their friends, and Louisa and I don’t have to pretend to be anyone other than who we are with each other. We’ll be living together for at least the next five or six years. I guess anything could happen in that time, but we’ll always be home for each other.”

It was clear that Hasan accepted Lou for who she was. He had no expectations that she would change and eventually love him. He was happy for her success and wanted the best for his girl, whether she ever let him call her that or not. He never once signaled otherwise.

I’d breathed in through my nose and out again before taking another drag. I felt his eyes on the side of my face for the rest of the drive. I didn’t turn, but I finished the last of the pack. I’d been bested, and I knew it.

‘If ye love her, let her go,’ they say. A load of shite, if ye ask me.

In the days that followed, I’d settled on relief that she had him looking out for her. Odd, feeling grateful for a romantic rival. He’d still be here for her next year, when I couldn’t be, and for that reason alone, I needed to back off.

Under those rainbow LEDs, I was ready to make her mine come what may, but in the light of day, I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I inserted my dick into their love story and caused a falling out between them before I skipped town for seven months. I’d never knowingly been the bad guy in anyone’s relationship, and it was depressing as fuck to think about how close I’d come to being just that in Hasan’s eyes.

I felt my pocket for the smokes I knew weren’t there. Motherfucker.

Me

I will gargle your balls for a pack of reds

Pick one up on your way