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Supper: Walking street tacos · Showtime snacks
As the month moved on, I became more and more anxious about the lie that had become my everyday life. Behind the closed doors of Luci’s cabin, we were as entwined as two people can be. We spent our nights together like any couple falling further in love, watching the movies that we habitually called “ours” now, talking until the early morning, exploring each other in every way possible. The idea that at the end of the month I would no longer roll over to find Luci there next to me seemed unfathomable. Yet, I couldn’t figure a way out of the complicated web I’d spun.
The morning after we’d gone out to the meadow to watch the stars shoot across an inky sky, we had our coffee in bed.
“You were funny last night,” I said. “Peppering the star doctor with a million questions.”
She nodded, smiling. “I can’t help myself. I’m a geek.”
“I love geeks.”
“You’re about as far from one as possible.” She set aside her empty coffee mug and turned to me. “I’ve been thinking a lot about work. It’s left me with nothing in the gas tank. I’m exhausted mentally and physically. I work ridiculous hours. Can’t sleep half the time worried about keeping the lights on. This is the first time off I’ve had since I was in high school. I’m starting to see there’s more to life than just work.”
I reminded her that the donation Madeleine had so artfully crafted could take some of the pressure off. “Maybe you could hire another doctor or nurse practitioner. Work reasonable hours instead of killing yourself.”
“I think I can make it happen, thanks to the donation,” Luci said. “But I feel kind of guilty just thinking about it.”
“You’re doing good work, but it’s not sustainable. It could lead to burnout and then you’ll be left without the capacity to run it at all.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. It’s just hard for me to let go without feeling like I’m doing a disservice to the kids.” She was quiet a moment, glancing upward. “The other thing—I’ve never said this out loud—but seeing the way some of these families live—it’s disheartening. What we’re doing for the community is only a drop in the bucket. When I think of how many people are living in poverty, not just in Tennessee but all over the country. I mean, Holly could tell us stories about some of the people in Stonehaven. We used to be those people. Unable to break the cycle of poverty.”
“You can’t save the whole world,” I said. “But what you’re doing matters. Even if it’s only a handful of families a day, you’re still doing way more than the rest of us. You should take comfort in that.”
She gave me a faint smile. “Maybe. But let’s talk about something more urgent. What are we going to do about this talent show? Do you have a talent?”
“I don’t know if you’d call it a talent so much as a hobby that helps me relax.”
“Which is?”
“I like to draw.”
“You draw? Like as in art?” Luci asked. “How did I not know this?”
“I don’t really talk about it.” I shifted, sitting up a little straighter in the bed, leaning against the stack of pillows behind me.
“Why?”
I finished the last of my coffee and set the mug on the bedside table. “It’s hard to explain. When I was a kid, it was a way for me to express myself in a quiet way. My dad wouldn’t have approved of how much time I spent drawing images I remembered from the day. But to me, it was a lifeline in a really lonely childhood.”
“Did you take art in school?”
“No way. My parents would never have allowed me to choose art as an elective. It was just something I did in secret. Something just for me.”
“Have you been drawing here at the ranch?” Luci asked.
“No. I’ve been too busy. Spending time with you means I don’t have to distract myself from thinking about you by drawing.”
“You do that?”
“I’ve been doing that since Thanksgiving three years ago.” I rubbed the heels of my hands into my cheekbones for a second before looking at her. “I have an entire notebook filled with drawings of you. They’re not great, but it gave me something to do when I wanted so badly to call you. Just to hear your voice.”
“I know the feeling.”
“Anyway, I was thinking I could draw you for my talent. You could come on stage with me, and I’ll do a quick sketch. That’s the best I can come up with as far as a talent. What about you?”
She tossed her hair behind her shoulders, grinning. “This is slightly embarrassing, but I have been known to do magic tricks for the kids at the clinic, especially if they’re scared. I have this clown wig. When I put it on, I feel like someone else. Someone funny and clever.”
“You are funny and clever.”
