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I sigh in agreement as I lay my head on his shoulder. “Honestly, after you left Alaska, I just felt so numb and… empty. I don’t know that I was thinking about much of anything those days… I was just going through the motions and surviving each and every day as it came at me.”
“I guess I have another thing to apologize for then,” he says and I scrunch up my nose in confusion as I lift my head off of his shoulder and look at him.
“Huh?”
“For leaving Alaska. I shouldn’t have bailed on you and Mom like that.”
I scoff and lie back down. “Don’t be fucking ridiculous. You couldn’t live your whole life for us, Lincoln. It’s not right and neither Mom or Dad would have been okay with that. My issues do not need to be shouldered by you, as much as I appreciate your mushy, soft heart.”
“Shut the hell up with that shit.” He laughs, shaking his head as he peeks down at me. I grin at him and he rolls his eyes. “Can I ask you something else?”
“Always.”
He lifts his shoulder, prompting me to lift my head up and glance at him. He searches my face for a moment and my belly flips.
“Are you in love with him?”
I blink. “Travis?”
“Yeah,” he answers, still trying to read me and my heart hammers in my chest as my hands shake. “Do you love him, Rowan?”
I nod. “Yes… but you can’t… you can’t tell anyone or say anything to him…”
“So this is what the past four days have been about? You love him and he doesn’t love you back? I swear to God, I’ll kick his ass until he has enough fucking sense in his head to realize you’re the goddamn best he’s ever going to get. That little motherfucker isn’t going to mess my little sister around…”
“Lincoln,” I cut in, laughing at his rant and furious expression as I lay my hand on his arm again. “Please, don’t. I know what I’m doing.”
He shakes his head. “You’re going to get your heart broken.”
“I know,” I murmur, the ache in my chest so fierce that I struggle to breathe through it as I try to put on a brave act. Lincoln’s gaze flicks over my face, studying me, before he scoffs and rips his arm from me.
“What’s so special about this dick hole that he thinks he can do better than you? He would be the luckiest son of a bitch alive to call you his and he’s rejecting you?” The disgust on his face as he glances over at the clubhouse has me grabbing his arm all over again, hoping he doesn’t decide to march in there and confront Travis.
“Please, Linc… the whole thing is complicated. Just let me handle this. Please.”
He shakes his head, looking at me like I’m insane. “I’m not going to let him hurt you.”
“I’m already in too deep and I can’t go back now. Whether we end today or months from now, it’ll hurt and I’ve accepted that.”
“Well, I fucking haven’t,” he huffs as his gaze snaps to the clubhouse door and I pull on his arm, making sure he stays here with me and hears me out.
“You can’t make him love me, Lincoln… and I wouldn’t want you to.”
He huffs in annoyance again as he glances back at me and I can see him thinking through everything I’ve just said. Finally, he sighs.
“Do I, at least, get to kick the shit out of him when it all goes down?”
Laughing, I shrug. “Maybe. Talk to me then and we’ll see.”
“It’s fucking something, I suppose,” he growls, crossing his arms over his chest again and brooding as he stares out at the protestors. His jaw ticks and I would bet good money that he’s planning exactly what he is going to do to Travis if I ever give him the green light. I can’t see myself doing that but I guess we’ll see. “Hey… one more thing…”
“What?”
He sighs. “I’m sorry that I pulled you here to Baton Rouge in the middle of this mess. If I had known it was going to get this bad… I would have made you stay in Alaska.”
“There is no way in hell I was staying there after what Ash did.”
“Oh, yeah,” he mutters, turning to me with a look of disgust. “What did happen with all of that? I hope you made him pay.”