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Chapter Twenty-Eight
Rowan
“Incoming,” Travis whispers as the clubhouse door opens and I peek over my shoulder as my brother steps out into the setting sunlight, scanning the lot before his gaze lands on me. My belly flips. He hasn’t said a single word to me since throwing Ash out of the parking lot yesterday and I’ve barely even seen him as I’ve spent the day moping around the clubhouse, waiting for this moment. Travis drags his hand down my back and my body relaxes slightly as I turn back to him. He smiles and presses his lips to mine before standing up. “I’ll be at the bar. Come find me when you’re done.”
A smile tugs at my lips despite my shaking hands and I nod. “I will.”
“One more,” he murmurs before leaning in to steal one last kiss before turning and walking back to the clubhouse. Travis and Lincoln pass each other and nod in greeting but tension fills the air around them and I sigh at just how ridiculous they are. My brother closes the distance between us, his hands shoved in his pockets and his gaze glued to the ground in front of him as my heart thrums in my chest.
Oh, God, I’m so nervous.
“You two work things out?” he asks as he sits next to me on the picnic table and I sigh as my mind drifts back to last night. Heat rushes to my cheeks as I think about everything we got up to in my room and butterflies flap around in my belly. I can’t help but grin. After what happened, I know I can’t stay away from him anymore but I’m not naive enough to think that he’s suddenly going to decide he wants more. This will end and it will hurt but I don’t want to focus on that anymore. I want to be happy and enjoy the time I do get with him instead of ruining it all by obsessing over the end. Maybe it’s reckless and stupid but all I can do at this point is jump back in with both feet and deal with the aftermath when the time comes.
“Yeah, I guess we did.”
He glances over at me, his expression hard. “Did he apologize for whatever asshole thing he did to upset you?”
“It wasn’t like that, Linc. Travis has been amazing to me.”
“If that were true,” he growls, crossing his arms over his chest and turning back to the crowd. “He wouldn’t have hurt you.”
I lay my hand on his bicep and he meets my eyes. “Please believe me, big brother. Travis has been nothing but kind, respectful, and honest with me since the beginning.”
“Then why have y’all been avoiding each other for four fucking days?”
“It was my issue,” I whisper and he sighs as his gaze flicks to the crowd. There is a current of tension swirling in the air around us and my belly flips again as I try to figure out what he’s going to say about the information Ash revealed. If I know my brother, and I do, he’s going to rip me a new one and spend the next hour chewing me out about how I’m better than that. The silence stretches between us and the longer it takes him to kick off the conversation, the more anxious I feel. Dropping my gaze to the ground, I shove my hands in the pockets of my hoodie and my knee shakes, bouncing up and down as I try to telepathically will him to say something. Finally, he clears his throat.
“I owe you an apology, Rowan.”
My head snaps up. “What?”
“Look,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve tried my damndest to be the best big brother I could be but clearly, somewhere along the way I failed you. I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me and tell me absolutely anything because I would judge you. That’s on me and it fucking kills me…”
“Lincoln, please… stop. It wasn’t like that, at all. Stripping wasn’t something I was proud of. I didn’t tell anyone about it except Ash and we can all see how that turned out for me. This isn’t on you.”
“Yeah, it is and I know I’ve been too protective at times but I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy and safe. That’s it and I’m so fucking sorry if I made you feel like there were things about yourself that you couldn’t tell me.”
I shake my head and tug on his arm, forcing him to look at me and the pain in his eyes hurts worse than anything else I have ever felt. Tears sting my eyes and I shake my head again. His face crumples and he pulls me into a hug, crushing me to his massive body as a wave of comfort washes over me.
“All I ever wanted was to make sure you didn’t feel like you were missing out on anything because Dad was gone and here I fucked it all up.”
“Lincoln,” I whisper, a tear trekking down my cheek as I pull back to look at him. “Please don’t ever think that. You are amazing and I’ve always thought that. The way you stepped up after Dad died and became the man of the house even though you were still a kid yourself… I’ve always admired you and if anything, I didn’t tell you about the stripping because I just wanted you to be proud of me.”
He smiles. “I am proud of you, kid. Fucking always… but can I ask you a question?”
I nod.
“Why stripping?”
Sucking in a breath, I turn to look out at the protestors as the question runs through my mind but the more I ask myself why I did it, the more stumped I feel. Turning back to him, I shrug and force a smile to my face.
“Would it be too cliche to say daddy issues?”
He winces and I immediately regret my terrible joke.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean that…”
“No,” he whispers, nodding his head. “You did and I even understand. As hard as I worked, as much as I tried, I couldn’t be Dad and his absence left a hole in all of us.”
