Page 103
BEFORE
Eighteen Months Together
Another six months passed. No divorce. I know. I was stupid.
In my defense, Caleb had gotten really fucking good at making stupid feel reasonable. The attorney still existed. The process had started, but Ravenna had another setback, and everything slowed down. It didn’t stop; it slowed down. There was a difference.
Caleb told me that his attorney recommended that he proceed carefully. Ravenna was finally making progress in therapy. His family was helping her establish some independence. So eventually, I stopped asking because Caleb became very good at answering questions before I had them.
Flowers appeared at my office on stressful days. Lunch showed up when I forgot to eat. If I mentioned something once, he remembered it months later. If I had a terrible day, he knew before I finished saying hello. If we argued, he’d show up. If I pulled away, he’d pull closer. If I questioned us, he’d talk about our future.
Caleb had become a master at feeding me tomorrow whenever our today started looking suspicious. And because I loved him, I ate every fucking bite.
Our life got busy. His businesses were booming, and mine were too. My client list had grown to the point that Janelle had started threatening to block off my calendar herself if I didn’t stop accepting projects.
Most mornings, Caleb and I were both working before the sun decided to come up. But by noon we’d find each other. Almost every day our lunch was at my house, and it had become sacred.
Sometimes we actually ate, then we’d fuck, straighten our clothes, kiss goodbye, and return to being respectable and busy business owners.
By dinner, both of us were exhausted. I’d eat something on my couch. He’d eat wherever he was and we’d text.
Caleb: You home?
Blair: Yeah.
Caleb: Eat?
Blair: About to. You?
Caleb: Already did.
Some nights I’d wake up at two in the morning with my phone beside my face and realize we’d both fallen asleep mid-conversation.
I loved it because it felt like the boring part of a relationship. I was comfortable, happy, and so in love. I just missed him. I missed entire evenings waking up beside him and watching television together.
I’d started thinking about asking him to move in. I had too much pride to ask so I dropped hints.
“Your commute would be shorter from here.”
“That closet upstairs is basically empty.”
“It seems stupid to pay for an apartment you only sleep in.”
He’d kissed my forehead and just smiled. I wanted him to bring it up more. I needed that. There were already too many parts of our relationship where I had waited for Caleb to choose. I wasn’t asking him to choose my home too.
A foundation incident happened on a random Tuesday. He came over for lunch wearing a white button-down. I noticed the mark of foundation when he reached into the refrigerator.
I stared at it. “What’s that?”
Caleb looked down. “What?”
“Your shirt.”
He turned toward me.
I walked closer. “Who the fuck have you been hugging?”
His eyebrows lifted. “What?”
