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“You broke my rule.”
“I understand, and you have my deepest apologies. I suppose the occasion must have gotten to me.”
“Indeed. You are fortunate that forgiveness is a virtue.”
“I tried to find you afterwards. I wanted to speak to you.”
“I took the children to bed. They needed help settling down after all the excitement. By the time they were asleep, I was tired as well.”
“I see. You left quickly.”
“Yes.”
“Have you heard any of the words I have spoken? I am still ruined, Clara.”
“It is I who have been ruined. That kiss should never have been taken. It was not a part of our agreement.”
“No, I suppose it wasn’t,” Gerald replied thinly. He clasped his hands behind his back. His words possessed a biting tone. He seemed annoyed, although Clara didn’t know what he had to be annoyed about. He was the one who held all the cards, after all.
“I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for the orphanage, for the children, for Agatha, for Eleanor, and for myself. It has been a most illuminating few weeks, and I can’t imagine how they would have unfolded without you.”
“You are quite welcome. We have all benefitted in some way,” she replied.
“I feel that now that the future of the orphanage has been secured, it would be a good time to bring an end to our agreement.”
“Are you sure? The season is not yet over.”
“No, but I believe the novelty of my return to society has worn off. Eleanor has had the chance to forge her own reputation. I believe the attention will be fully on her, as is only right.”
“If that is what you wish. I hope that she will find happiness.”
Gerald furrowed his brow and angled his body so that he was standing at her. “I would have thought you would be relieved. I thought you wanted a cessation of our agreement ever since it began. You are now free to choose whichever future you want.”
Free. It was a strange word. Clara wasn’t sure she knew the last time she truly felt free. Perhaps she never would again. It was all too complicated, this thing called life.
He was setting her free, like some animal that had served its purpose. Now that he had accomplished his goal, he no longer needed her. It was a reminder that everything had been such a hard, cold transaction from the beginning. She was foolish to think that things could have been anything more. She strove to rebuild the walls around her heart, ones that had begun to crumble.
“And what future do you see for yourself?” she asked.
“There is still much to do at Clemont Hall, and many duties awaiting my attention. If Eleanor attracts a suitor, then there may well be a wedding to plan as well.”
“It sounds as though you will have your hands full.”
“Yes, that is one way to look at it. However-”
His words were cut short as a couple approached. Their names were Lord and Lady Pressley. They greeted Gerald and Clara with warm smiles, engaging them in conversation about the previous night, while also complimenting Gerald on his gardens. Clara stood beside Gerald with a polite smile on her face, not particularly inclined to contribute to the conversation.
Instead, she was thinking to herself that the kiss last night changed nothing. Gerald was still a man of duty, a man whose future had been forged a long time ago. This little agreement of theirs had been an aberration in his life, a sacrifice he made for his sister. While his devotion to Eleanor was admirable, it was clear that he was eager to return to the way his life had been before he and Clara had met.
After all, she had ruined him apparently, so he would be eager to rebuild himself. Was that what the kiss had been about? Was it a revenge upon her for the fact that she made his life difficult? The man was petty. Perhaps if he had said something different, she might have been mollified, but his words had the air of a goodbye, and she did not want to prolong it.
As soon as Lord and Lady Pressley returned on their way, Clara turned to Gerald and spoke before he could say anything else that would make her feel bad.
“Thank you for your kindness. I do hope that life brings you everything you want. I’m sure that Eleanor will make a fine bride. I hope you are happy, Your Grace. Now, I must return and prepare the children for our departure.”
She turned immediately, her dress flowing in the air. Without hesitation, she marched back to the house, not giving him a chance to say anything else. There were no words that mattered anyway. Everything between them had already been spoken, so why should she stand there and drown in even more anguish?
Clara blinked back tears as she entered the house. She forced a smile on her face as she gathered the children together, and drew Agatha away from a cluster of people who had gathered around her. She was in her element, and required a great deal of urging to leave.